The Filmmaker

(Me with one of the film directing students. 01/31/09)

Once upon a time, I was writing a novel. Someday, I hope to get back to it. And in the meanwhile, I'm just going to continue to live out situations that seem like the sorts of things I might've written into the novel if I'd kept working at it.

I recently had been concerned about not being the leading lady in my own life. But that's not true at all. I'm the protagonist of a long, winding romantic comedy.

I've been iffy on The Engineer for awhile, as I've mentioned. A couple of weeks ago, he asked if he could take me out to dinner, like an actual date. I said yes, mostly because I keep thinking about that Marilyn Monroe quotation, "Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?"

I was sick, so when he called that night to make plans, I was less than enthusiastic about the idea. He started tossing out restaurant ideas, and all I wanted to do was sleep. I told him I felt seriously awful (because I did), and that I thought it might be better to wait until another night. He said that he was leaving his house right then, and that I should take a 15-minute nap. He said we'd figure everything out when he got here.

So I, looking beyond terrible, took my favorite green gingham blanket downstairs and curled up on the couch. After 15 minutes had passed and he hadn't shown up, I was secretly relieved. I hoped he wouldn't show up at all. I went back to sleep.

When my phone finally rang, he said that he was at the door. I opened it, still wearing a blanket, to find him holding a bouquet of yellow daisies. He handed me a card that read (and I quote), "I always have an amazing time when I'm with you!! I hope you can bless me with that gorgeous smile of yours tonight!"

He then brought two bags of groceries into my house, saying, "I figured that since you were sick, I'd just cook you dinner over here." And he did.

What's more, while making dinner, he quoted three (THREE!) of my favorite movies (Animal House, Boondock Saints, and The 40-Year Old Virgin). So we watched The 40-Year Old Virgin and ate dinner, and it was positively lovely.

He's called me nearly every night since then wanting to hang out. He's dropped by my place a few times and hung out for hours. He's really interesting, and good to talk to.

I know what you're thinking. This guy is great. He's really sweet. He clearly likes me a lot. And I should be falling head over heels for him right now.

So why aren't I?

I don't know what it is, but I'm just not that into him. Whenever he leaves, I keep thinking, "I should like you more than I do." But as I stated as a New Year's Resolution, I'm not going to talk myself into anything; it only gets me hurt in the long run.

I also felt weird about it when he asked me what I was doing on Friday, and I told him I had been invited to a party (I said it in a "Sorry, but I have plans Friday" kind of way). His response was, "Oh, that sounds like fun. We should totally go."

Wait, what? Where did he come up with this "we" that he mentioned? When did we get to the point that he could assume things? When did he decide that he was automatically my date?

I guess it made me think of Boyfriend #2... The guy who started calling himself my boyfriend when I was telling him that it was casual dating and I was still seeing other people. And I hated that. I hated that assumption then, and I hate it now. And although this guy is doing everything else right, it sort of made me resent him. I haven't seen him since he said it (that was Wednesday).



And I should mention that there's a Part II of this story. There's one more reason that I won't talk myself into The Engineer...

Last week, when the film directing students were in town, I went out three nights in a row. And I really bonded with two of them. They were really cool guys, and the three of us hung out two of the nights until ungodly hours of the morning. It might've been the most fun weekend I've had since I've been down here (and I've had some fun weekends).

The went back to their main campus, which is 5 hours away, but have stayed in contact. At first, all I could think about was how much spending time with them reminded me of hanging out with my friends Greg and Mike in undergrad. If those guys lived in my town, surely, we'd be the best of buddies. We'd hang out and watch Battlestar Galactica and Firefly, and sing along to Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog together (things that they appreciate as much as I do).

And then it turned into something else. A crush. I totally have a crush on one of them. The one in the picture on the top of this post, in fact (I wish I didn't look so stupid in it, as I think he looks particularly charming).

He shall henceforth be known as The Filmmaker (creative, I know).

He emailed me the day after he left. It was filled with compliments and sweet things. He said that hanging out with me had been good for him. And that he thought my attitude was "inspiring." "After checking out your Facebook, I managed to get even more depressed that film school isn't in [town]... What a drag to be exposed to such cool people and then just head on home."

And he's been texting me ever since, and we've been writing long emails on a daily basis. He's completely adorkable, and I totally dig it. He wants to come down and visit me next weekend (yes, even though it's a 5-hour drive) because he has the rare blessing of a few days off. And I really, really, really want him to.

I have this jumping feeling in my stomach when he texts me. I get all giddy when I'm reading his emails. I have reverted back into a middle school girl. It's a bit pathetic, but it feels so good. I don't know how or why, but this guy that I barely know has brought the giggly kind of joy into my life.

Maybe that's weird. Maybe this is too fast. Maybe I'm projecting things onto him that aren't actually there, because I'm only communicating with him through the written word.

Maybe it's because he seems like a perfect blend of the two guys from my past whom I've cared the most about. He's a filmmaker and he writes me rambling emails, just like Boyfriend #1. And he was in the Air Force and loves geeky things, just like Brian.

And I just keep thinking about how guilty I feel about everything with The Engineer.

*********************************************

Okay, so I wrote that much of this post, but then didn't post it.

And since then, this film student has officially asked me out on a date. And I accepted. Cheerfully so. Via text message.

Is that weird? Oh man, I don't even care anymore. I really like this guy! And he's driving 5 hours to take me out! *fans self*

I feel giddy, giggly, and gleeful. I am so very excited, I can't even tell you. AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

The Engineer texted me to hang out tonight, but I told him that I was going to bed. And I am. I plan to dream about The Filmmaker.


May something exciting keep you from settling for something nice.

~A~