Questions Written on My Face

I've spent half of April 29 wondering if something crazy would happen. And I'm spending the other half trying to prevent anything interesting from happening at all.

I had plans. I was supposed to go to a write-in to work on my novel. And I decided I couldn't. I wanted to lock myself in my shoebox-sized apartment and block out the world for a bit. I even considered turning off my cell phone (but decided I shouldn't render myself unreachable, in case the craziness of April 29 manifested itself in some sort of emergency situation... but even just considering it was a big deal). I just want this special day to not be special anymore. I want it to be like any other day.

Instead, I decided to stay in and write a blog post. On a Tuesday. Because I have something to say. Some thoughts that I have to drain from my skull before they flatten my brain like a pancake.

In the comments section of my last post, my buddy Nilsa said:

I think you should start posting "real life" pictures of yourself (i.e., post-storm) instead of continuous dolled-up ones. We already know you're gorgeous! :-)

This seemingly innocuous comment got my wheels turning in a major way.

I post the pictures that I do because I'm interested in photography. I really like taking photographs of people, but most people I know don't seem to like getting their picture taken. And besides, my camera isn't particularly great. So I improvise. I take pictures of myself. Using my laptop, as I don't have to hold it as I would a camera. I'm both the amateur photographer and the model. It helps me practice. I'm learning about lighting and angles, and even a little bit about editing (although very, very little... any editing I do is in iPhoto, which doesn't have a ton of functions).

Or, at least, that's what I tell myself.

The reason I didn't post a picture of me post-storm was because I didn't have a camera on me then. If I had one at the time, I'm sure a picture would've been taken. And who knows, maybe it would've been posted. It would, after all, have illustrated the story rather nicely.

And I have put a lot of candid pictures on here. Even a few in which I don't think I look particularly attractive.

But maybe not.

I take so many pictures. So, so, so many. And most of them get deleted before anyone other than me sees them. Any picture you ever see of me that I took? It has gone through a strenuous approval process. I have hemmed and hawed over whether it's good enough. I've hit delete on so many pictures. Ones that are blurry. Ones with bad lighting. Ones where I don't look like myself. Ones with bad angles that make me look like I have a double chin (my greatest fear).

I paced around my apartment trying to figure out why that is until I found an answer that is, at least in part, true.

Sometimes I'm afraid that people will see me the way I see myself.

*her vulnerability clicks into place*

It's true. You know how people say you can be whomever you want to be? Sometimes I wonder if I'm only pretending. I like the idea of being the quirky, light-hearted, smiley girl. But am I embracing who I am? Or am I pretending to be something I'm not and taking on this persona as some sort of facade? Maybe my entire being is a lie. Maybe I don't want people to see that I'm really just normal. And boring. And not special in the least.

I see the bad things about myself before I see the good things. I see how thirsty my dry skin is, and how badly it breaks out and taunts me when I over-moisturize it. I see the disorder in my eyebrows. I see the gaps reforming between my teeth because I stopped wearing my retainers once a month like the orthodontist said I should. I see my loathsome neck and the double-chin effect that it has been producing for the last 10 months in photographs and mirrors alike. I see my pathetic, bony wrists. I see the features that seem too big for my face. I scrutinize every detail. I'm sure I've worked myself up over problems with parts of my face and body that other people wouldn't look at twice. But then, why would they? These things are my burden, not theirs.

There are days when I think I'm attractive. And there are days when I don't. You may have noticed that two of the posts I put up recently had photos that were clearly taken on the same day. I stockpile them sometimes. Whenever I have a day when I feel cute, I take a bunch of pictures. Because I know there will be days when I don't feel cute. And I want to have those pictures. They make me feel like maybe I was once. And maybe I could be again.

God, that makes me sound so... fake. And manufactured. Maybe I am to some extent. Maybe I only allow people to see the parts of me that I approve first. Maybe I need that level of control.

You know what, fine. Here.



This is what I look like right now, at this very moment. I'm lying down, typing, with all the lights off. I'm wearing a truly hideous nightgown and am not wearing a stitch of makeup. And the sunset in the background is far more interesting than I am.

When I look in the mirror, I see me. I see all the flaws that come with me. And not just physically. I see the tenacity. I see the fear. The loneliness. The indecision. The manipulation. All of it.

Sometimes I have conversations with myself in the mirror. I will literally ask myself questions and answer them. All aloud. And sometimes I surprise myself with the answers. Sometimes I say things that I didn't know were underneath the surface until I say them.

(Note: I just started typing out one of these conversations, and then realized just how inexcusably dumb it sounds.)

There's a line from the movie The Truth about Cats and Dogs that Uma Thurman's character delivers... "Did you ever look in the mirror so long that your face didn't make sense anymore? It just becomes all these shapes. Just shapes. Not good or bad."

I do that. My face has lost a lot of meaning to me. I look at the pieces instead of at the whole. Sometimes I stare at my reflection until I'm near tears. And what's really horrifying and embarrassing about it is that I don't know why. Maybe it's just to see if I still can.

Do other people do this? Is there something wrong with me? Shouldn't I have grown out of this by now?

But I haven't. I have flaws. I have fears. I have insecurities. I have more boundaries and barriers than international travel. I can try to work through them as much as I like, but they'll never be completely gone. They're a part of me... Take it or leave it.

So you know what, while I'm in this vulnerable, uncovered sort of mood, I'm opening it up. I'm blatantly ripping off an idea from my blogging buddy Tipp (hope you don't mind).

Leave a question for me in the comments.

Please.

And, barring anything that might make it possible for an online stalker to track me down or a person I know in real life to find me via Google, I'll answer it. Honestly. Openly. Vulnerably. Longiloquently. And to the best of my ability.

Seriously. Anything. Even if it's something stupid. It'll give me something to think about other than the thoughts that are currently rolling around in my head. And that would be a welcome distraction. And it'll remind me that someone, somewhere, wonders what I look like on the inside.

ETA: Hey, lurkers! Come out, come out, whomever you are!

I hope it'll be a learning experience for all of us.


May you step back from the mirror and try to see yourself another way.

~A~


P.S. Please don't go paying me obligatory compliments and trying to build up my self-esteem or something. I wasn't fishing for niceties with this. And frankly, knowing that you've read what I've just written, it would be hard for me to believe them anyway.

P.P.S. Maybe that's what was supposed to happen today. Maybe that was my fluke. Having a weird psychoanalysis in my apartment alone, with no outside stimulus. Happy April 29 to me.

P.P.P.S. I'm sorry, Bri.

Callback to a Wedding

I feel like my blog posts have been very list-heavy lately. Mostly because I've been chronicling my life through them more than I used to. I've started considering trying to force myself into the form of shorter, more frequent posts. Even just experimentally. Just to see if I could. Anyway, there is a poll on the upper-right column of the blog that will be up for a week. Please add in your two cents (it's anonymous).

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On Friday morning, I had a text message on my phone. It came from Ex #1. He sent it at 4:18am.

"I am drunk. And Waiting on a World to Change is playing. Thinking of you."

My thoughts:
1. A drunk text? Really? NOW? I FINALLY talked with him after a 10-month hiatus, and now suddenly he's open and communicative and texting while drunk? WTF?
2. Why was he still out drinking at 4:18am on a school night? (He's in grad school)
3. That's not the name of the song. It's Waiting on THE World to Change.
4. There is NO reason that he should think of me because of that song. No correlation between me and John Mayer whatsoever. And didn't that song get popular AFTER we'd broken up? WTF?
5. I'm not thrilled that he gets drunk and thinks of me.

I think I liked him better silent.


In contrast... Around 7:00pm, as I was walking out the door, I got a delivery. I bouquet of roses. I didn't have to read the card to know they were from Brian.

I've never been to any acting school... but this is my spin on improv, Sunshine.

He's pretty great, right?

I put the flowers in a vase and headed out to my "third callback" for Tony n' Tina's Wedding.

(Note: No idea why they call it a third callback. First of all, I've only had one previous callback, so if anything this should be the second. Next, it wasn't a callback at all. It was just an opportunity to see the show.)

I ran through a torrential storm on my way there, blinking as I was temporarily blinded by lightning that erupted from the sky in large flashing panels. By the time I arrived, my wet dress clung to my legs, my makeup had streamed down my face, and my hair -- which previously had looked phenomenal -- resembled a dead animal. Despite this, I was comforted by the fact that it was raining (as is my habit... see A Little Water Clears Us). I knew that things would be alright.

I sat down next to the other people who had been called back during the pre-show. Dan, Mel, and Leticia. We compared stories about our callbacks (none of our partners made it on to this round). Dan's partner sounded great, Leticia's mediocre, and Mel's was about as unclear on the instructions as mine was.

(Example: They had the same "stuck in a box" scenario, where one person wants to stay in and the other wants to get out. So Mel started off as the desperate one trying to get out of the box, but then her partner started doing the exact same thing. So Mel switched and started acting like she wanted to stay in the box, but then her partner started agreeing with the points she made then as well. So there was no conflict whatsoever.)

The show really begins in the half hour before curtain, during the pre-show. There's a group of people called "Black Staff" (named as such because the reception hall is owned by a man named Vinnie Black) who are in training to be lead characters, and they did a great job of starting the comedy early. Plus, I had a whole conversation with "Tony's Grandmother", who started telling me that he went out to Vegas for a bachelor party the night before, missing the rehearsal dinner, and she hoped he'd shave before the wedding.

The first part of the show is the wedding ceremony. It's in a little chapel, and you start getting a feel for the characters. There's Tina's gay brother, a pregnant bridesmaid, an over-zealous photographer, a singing nun, Tony's dad's hotsy-totsy girlfriend, and Tina's recently rehabbed ex-boyfriend, among others.

The best part of the show is the reception. You do all the normal wedding reception stuff (including the chicken dance), and the various characters all have things they do that are absolutely ridiculous. They also all come around and interact with the tables.

At this particular performance, there happened to be a large girl scout troup (middle schoolers) taking up half the room, which was very entertaining in and of itself.

I let my fellow callback buddies know that I have absolutely no problem whatsoever with getting out on the dance-floor and making a complete and total fool out of myself. Dan said he'd be completely willing to go with me, and so it began. We were dancing up a storm along with some people from the cast.

When I saw cast members trying to get the audience to dance, I figured I'd help out. So I started getting some of the girl scouts to dance with me. AWESOMELY FUN! Dude, do you know how much experience I have being the only person dancing and trying to persuade others to dance with me? A TON. And do you know what my success rate is? Not great. But at this show, when you try to get people to dance, THEY DANCE! They realize that by participating they're getting more out of the experience, so they comply!

At one point, one of the bridesmaids (Donna, the attention whore one) started dancing with Dan. So I accused her of trying to steal my man, and then went and started dancing with her "boyfriend" (Dominic, who was played by the guy who I think was hitting on me at my first callback). Then she came over and tried to start a fight with me. It was HILARIOUS! LOVED IT! Later in the show, Donna got up on stage, pointed at me, and said "This song is for you." She then proceeded to sing "Hit Me with Your Best Shot". It pretty much made my day. Awesome.

At the end of the show, the four of us callback people were instructed to stay and talk with the stage manager (whom I had met the previous weekend). She started talking shop with us, explaining the ins and outs of the show. Apparently, when you work on the production, they give you a book explaining all the crazy details of backstories and relationships between the characters. They talk about Tina's crazy aunt and Tony's brother, neither of whom are in the show. They mention who was the confirmation sponsor of whom, and which characters got in a fight in the second grade. Anything and everything you might want to know, which gives the actors more to riff on in collaborative improving. It's really fascinating.

She said that by the sheer fact that we've gotten to this point, we should know that they think we're talented. But getting this far DOES NOT guarantee that we'll be in the show.

The reason that we were asked to see the show is that it's not for everyone. Having to do the chicken dance 5 times a week, eating the same food over and over again... it can be rough if you're not made for it. She said that we should think about it for a day or two, and that if we were still interested, that we should call her and then she'd let the director know.

So I called her the next day. I told her I'm still interested. *fingers crossed*

Of course, the whole thing with me going to grad school in a few months could be a problem, so they might not cast me at all. The stage manager knows I'm going "in the fall". She doesn't know that I'm planning to move in the beginning of August. And if they ask me to disclose that information... Well, they might not to invest that much time and money training me to be there for such a short period of time.

And getting cast might screw up trip my to Nebraska to see Brian next month. But I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

In the meantime, I'm hoping to get this show. I really do think it'd be fun. I don't mind being "Black Staff" for 3-5 weeks, as even they seemed like they were having a good time. And it would be good to get that improv experience under my belt. And dude, I'm totally willing to shake my bum on that reception dance floor five times a week. No problem. ;)

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In other news, Tipp from A[tipp]ical Thoughts has presented me with an award!


Eek! It's an honor just to be nominated!

So I'd like to spread this love to a couple of bloggers who have made my day.

- Kristen from This is the story of a girl..a complicated girl.
She recently referred to me as "a phenom of a blogger" (which was quickly added to my Compliments Book). It totally made my day. And she took me up on my Pay It Forward Challenge and held her own contest. You go, Kristen!

- Cheryl from Places Never Planned.
She also took up my Pay It Forward Challenge. Lately, she's been naming her posts in the style of Friends episodes, which is brilliant. And really, I just love her blog. Whenever it pops up on my Google Reader, I get so excited to read it. :) I really dig her style.

- Renee from A Beautiful Day in the Reneeborhood.
She says I inspired her to blog, and I'm so glad! She's a born writer. And has great taste in formal wear. ;)

Spread the love, ladies!



May you make someone's day today.

~A~

How I'll See Your Face Again

My aunt bought me a copy of The Rembrandts "L.P." for my birthday in 1996. They sang the theme to the television show "Friends", which she knew I liked. I was massively obsessed with that tape for most of middle school.

One of my favorite songs on it was "April 29".

It's because of that song that I started paying attention to the 29th day of April every year. And it always turned out to be a remarkable day for one reason or another. Seriously, every year. It was always a good date. And a day that remarkable, out-of-the-ordinary sorts of things happened.

The year that really sealed the date as one of destiny in my mind was when the guy I had an all-consuming crush on asked me to the prom (oh, dear God, I hope he doesn't read this and realize I had a crush on him. Although I don't know why that would matter at this point. I haven't seen him in years. But still, something about him ever knowing still seems completely mortifying for some reason... Although he probably knew at the time, if he had any sense in him... That's a terrifying thought... I'm over-thinking this again, aren't I?).

My junior year of college, the theatre club was taking a road trip to Chicago to see the musical Wicked. I had already seen it (I went through my Wicked-obsessed phase over a year before all my friends did, and by the time they were going I was SO SICK of hearing them sing "Defying Gravity" and "For Good" at the drop of a hat), and they were going on April 29. That fateful day of mine. So, months in advance, I decided not to book a ticket. Even though I knew I would be completely lonely and probably regretting missing out on this major social event. I just knew it was better to stay close to home on April 29. Crazy things were going to happen. They always did.

Lo and behold, around 1:00am on April 29th, I was asked out on a date. And around 7:00pm on April 29, I went out on my first ever date, with the guy who became my first ever boyfriend.

I didn't even notice that it had been April 29th until it was about ten minutes to midnight. I looked at him and started laughing. I said, "Happy April 29", knowing that I had already told him the story about my wacky day. And he said, "Darn it. I was hoping you wouldn't remember. I didn't want you to think us getting together was just some crazy fluke because of this day of yours."

Strangely, two years later on our anniversary, April 29th was the beginning of the end of that relationship. A fluke? No. Probably a long time coming. But that was the first day that I knew something had changed. Something had gone wrong.

Anyway. Around this time every year, I used to wonder if something would happen on April 29. And this year marks the first time that it represents something a little different to me; it has become a reminder of the first relationship I ever had, and all the reasons why it didn't work.

Part of me hopes that my strange strokes of fate will continue. And part of me hopes it will be unremarkable. Maybe it'll be different now. Maybe it's tainted by this guy from my past. Maybe now that I'm done with the guy, I'm done with the day.

The funny thing is, my interpretation of the song April 29 is about a long distance relationship. Of course, that might be using a metaphoric meaning... If you try to take it too literally, it might turn into a song about someone in a mental institution. But that's not the way I see it.

(Download "April 29" by right-clicking here. Or just click to listen.)

(full lyrics)

I've been so lonely since I lost my mind, and my patience is wearin' thin
But I feel lucky when I think of you, and how I'll see your face again
Everything is fine
April twenty-nine
I'll try to be on time
April twenty-nine

Also interesting is that the song takes place on April 22 (I called you to tell you /I'm coming home in seven days/In a word it's all arranged).

Brian thought that maybe April 22nd would become my new lucky day.

But moving on...

I'm glad you all seemed to enjoy the post about my terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad callback.

To those who were confused as to how Chuck got a callback in the first place, it's because the audition consisted only of a monologue. It should be pointed out that being a good actor and being a good improv-er do NOT go hand in hand. It is incredibly possible to be brilliant at one and awful at the other. So, clearly, that's how Chuck made it to the second round of auditions.

Well, that and that he's male. Guys often get a bit of a break. They get moved on because there are more male roles than female, and fewer male bodies. It's horrible.

Anyway. So the following conversation happened to me on Sunday...

Woman: Hi! Angela, right?
Me: Um, yeah. Wow, you must have a good memory. I'm sorry, but I can't place you.
Woman: I'm the stage manager from Tony n' Tina's Wedding.
Me: Oh! Hi!
Woman: Nice job at callbacks.
Me: Oh... Thanks...
Woman: Why don't you sound convinced?
Me: I don't know if you remember, but my partner was... challenging.
Woman: I don't remember that... I just remember that you were really funny.
Me: Thanks.
Woman: What was challenging?
Me: Do you remember a guy saying the phrase, "I've got to get out of this box"?
Woman: No...
Me: Or claiming that a man named George broke the vase?
Woman: Oh. That I remember.
Me: And on the blind date, he asked...
Woman: *interrupting* What do you think of that lighting fixture?
Me: YES!
Woman: Yeah, he was pretty bad.

We then had a lovely discussion in which she assured me that she thought I was great (and she swore up and down that she wasn't just saying that, and that if she hadn't thought I was good, she just wouldn't have brought it up). She said that whether I'm cast or not will have everything to do with if the director could see me in a role, and nothing to do with my lame scene partner.

And then my darling friend Anna made the mistake of mentioning RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE STAGE MANAGER that I'm going to grad school in the fall and moving away in 3.5 months. Thanks a lot, Anna. I was trying to hide that little tidbit of information for as long as possible. Luckily, the stage manager was cool and said she wouldn't tell the director.

But then on Tuesday, I got a call. The people from Tony n' Tina's Wedding asked me in for a second callback. Who, me? Seriously? YES! So I get to go see the show for free this weekend.

Oh, by the way, Tuesday was April 22nd. So maybe Brian called it right after all. Maybe I have a new lucky day?

I wonder if Chuck did make me look better by comparison...

Maybe I shouldn't get too excited. I've been advised by more than one person NOT to do this show. They've said things like, "Don't put it on your résumé if you do it", and "You're way too talented for that." It's very commercial, and it's not exactly high art...

But I don't know. It seems like it could be fun. And if it's not, oh well. It would be temporary anyway... But I'm counting chickens here.

***************

Wednesday, I got a phone call from Ex #1. Yes, the one I broke up with in June. The one who first asked me out on April 29. The one who hasn't wanted to talk to me.

He left a voicemail saying he wants to go see the musical Avenue Q when it comes into Chicago next month, and did I want to go with him.

WHAT??? After not talking to me for 10 months, you want to go see a play together??? *sigh of exasperation*

I called him back and told him that it depended on whether I get cast in this show. And we talked for 20 minutes. It wasn't nearly as awkward as I thought it would be. (I conveniently left all talk of Brian out of the conversation, although I'm sure the fact that there's a boy in my facebook picture and I'm in an "It's Complicated" relationship haven't escaped his attention).

My parents think I should go. They think I broke his heart (fine, I did). They think that he's doing the best he can to try to reconnect. They think he needs closure.

Whatever. I don't think I really want to see him. Talk to him, sure. But see him? One on one? Just seems like there's going to be a lot of dead space in the conversation. I don't need to see him. I just needed to know that he was okay.

Part of me feels like I should go. I have this false sense of obligation. Maybe there's a part of me that's still trying to be "a good girlfriend" to him... even though I am definitely NOT his girlfriend. Old habits die hard, I suppose.

And in case you're wondering, no, I do not have any lingering feelings for him. Seriously. None.

Maybe that's at least in part because of how hard I've fallen for Brian.

I haven't mentioned Brian a lot lately, but he's a huge part of my life. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite subject. He's just... my favorite thing in general. He makes me smile. He makes me laugh. He makes me feel like I'm worth something. He's supportive. He's attentive. He's helpful. He talks with me about things that no one has ever been willing to talk about with me before. I feel better about myself as a result of him being in my life.

And I get to see him oh-so-soon! He's coming to Chicago in May, and then I'm going to Nebraska a week later for a few days. He's going to help me improve at video games! And we might go to the zoo! And we're going to watch Battlestar Galactica and Firefly (his picks) along with The Office and Arrested Development (my picks). And, weather permitting, we might go fly kites (something I've never done... it's on my list of things to do before I die). I can't tell you how excited I am!

"I feel lucky when I think of you, and how I'll see your face again."


May you remember how lucky you are.
May you have a few things to look forward to.
And may you find someone who makes you smile.

~A~


P.S. This might be cool. 50 bloggers from the 50 states? Party.

P.P.S. I went to a karaoke party tonight. I sang "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley and "Band of Gold" by Freda Payne. And I totally rocked it. And I danced shamelessly so much that I actually had "fans", and a gay man felt me up (no, seriously, I haven't gotten that much action since October before my break-up with Ex #2).

P.P.P.S. Remember how I mentioned losing my grad school application on the L? I got it in the mail today. Some good-hearted person mailed the whole thing back to me. It's nice to know that there are people like that in the world.

How Not to Do Improv

This is my 100th post! Honest to blog. Can you believe it?

It seems like most several bloggers who are newer than I am to the sport have gotten to this point before me, but that's what happens when you only post semi-weekly (and let's be honest, you all wouldn't read this blog if I posted this much on a daily basis. I'm sure most of you do a fair amount of skimming and scanning as it is... not that I blame you). And I wouldn't have hit the 100 mark this quickly if I hadn't done NaBloPoMo back in November (those entries were much shorter, obviously).

Part of me wanted to do a 100 list like some other bloggers have done (like Carrie Lea). But really? I don't want to. I've done that sort of thing before (if you're interested -- and I know you are -- read Nobody Knows Me at All and Me, Me, Me, Meme-ee... or most of my NaBloPoMo posts, which were just a large collection of randomness).

The other reason I'm not doing the 100? Because I have a story to tell. About my callback for Tony n' Tina's Wedding.

In case you've never done theatre, an audition is a cross between an athletic "try-out", a job interview, and a exam. In short, it is serious, occasionally stressful, and can be completely nerve-racking.

This callback was going to be improv-based. That's like knowing you have a test, but not having a clue as to what the questions are going to be. And some people are better at BS-ing their way through than others.

There were 12 people called back: 8 girls, 4 guys (unfortunately for me, there are always way more talented girls than guys... totally not fair). I was paired with one of the guys. Let's call him Chuck (as Chuck seems to be the "Everyman" name of the moment... Did you realize how many characters popped up in television and movies in the last couple of years named Chuck? I did. Chuck is the new John).

I asked Chuck about his experience with improv. He said that he really enjoyed it, although he had no formal training. And he was planning to take a class at Second City soon. I told him that I took a class in college in Acting Improvisation, which is different than improv comedy. I know how to think on my feet, create a scene without a script, and listen well to a partner. But I have no background in making that improvised scene comedic. He seemed nervous about this, so I assured him that I'm a pretty funny person (at least, I think I am), and that I was sure it would be fine.

When it was our turn, we headed out into the room with the director and stage manager. The director said he'd basically give us rules for "improv games", and then we'd create scenes based on the rules he'd given us. He said that the most important skills in improv are listening, accepting, and connecting with your partner (which I already knew, but it was nice of him to let us know what he was looking for).

Game #1: The director told Chuck and I to stand shoulder-to-shoulder, and then kneel in that position. He said we were trapped in a 4x4x4 box. One of us was desperate to get out. The other shouldn't care much about getting out, and might even like to stay in it.

Chuck leans over to me and whispers "desperate", which I guess was his way of claiming the character he wanted to play instead of just letting us figure it out organically. Fine by me. Then Chuck starts making hyperventilating sorts of noises and saying, "I've got to get out of this box!" emphatically, over and over again. (Seriously? He couldn't be any more interesting or creative than that?)

I start trying different tactics to get him to stay in the box. I started off by saying it's cozy and trying to pet him.

Then I suggested we play a game to pass the time, and listed off a bunch of games that you couldn't possibly play in a box and being generally ridiculous ("Mother May I? Oh, no that wouldn't work... Red Light Green Light? Whoops, I guess that's kind of the same thing... Simon Says? I'll be Simon! *he thrashes* Okay, fine. YOU be Simon.").

Then I tried singing to him to calm him down. At that point, Chuck somehow managed to knee me in the face (how he did that while KNEELING is beyond me), so I said, "okay, okay. I didn't think my singing was THAT bad".

And then I suggested cuddling. I contorted my body into some insane positions trying to cuddle while still staying inside this box (at which point the stage manager started laughing hysterically).

Throughout all of this, I don't think Chuck said anything other than "I've got to get out of this box." And then for some reason, he flipped over onto his back (did he break out of the box???), and the director cut us off.

Game #2: The director said, "Chuck, in front of you on the floor, there is a broken vase. You KNOW that Angela broke it. You KNOW that. Okay? Angela, you KNOW that Chuck broke it. And if either one of you can convince the other that they did it, you deserve a million dollars."

So I started out swinging. "I can't believe you broke my favorite vase just to retaliate for last night!"

And then Chuck replied, "It wasn't me! It was... It was George!"

Um, excuse me, WHAT? Chuck was supposed to think that I broke the vase. AND WHO THE HELL IS GEORGE???

I just kept insisting that it was Chuck, and getting mad at him for blaming George (whom I tried to establish as his brother). What else could I do? Eventually the director stopped it.

Game #3: The director says he will give us several different locations to create scenes in, and says there are three rules we have to follow:
1. You are not allowed to ask questions to gain information from the other person.
2. You have to say "yes" to everything the other person says, not denying anything.
3. You're not allowed to say anything completely nuts. There can't suddenly be a monkey in an Elvis suit hanging from a chandelier.
(Easy enough, right?)

Situation #1: We're on a blind date.

Chuck: So, do you want to go in?

(What happened to no questions?)

Angela: Sure. This is a really nice place.
Chuck: What do you think of that lighting fixture?

Um, HELLO? NO QUESTIONS! And is that random, or what?

He then proceeded to point at an ACTUAL LIGHTING FIXTURE that was in the room, and begin DESCRIBING it. WTH??? This is blind date! This has potential to be an interesting situation, if you were to just CONNECT WITH YOUR PARTNER. But no, he wanted to check out this lighting fixture.

I couldn't lead him by asking questions, so I tried other methods, like "Yes, it is interesting. You know, it reminds me of something, but I can't think of what." But he ignored these prompts of mine, and started replying with non-sequitors (which is 1. not accepting what his partner was giving, and 2. completely random). At one point he said, "I really like you." It was out of no where, but at least he started connecting! And then the director cut us off.


Situation #2: We're in a psychiatrist's office.

Since Chuck had determined before that he wanted to be the "desperate" guy in the box game, I figured I'd take a cue from him on whether he wanted to be the doctor or the patient. Then he speaks... "So... You been in this waiting room long?"

First of all, that's another question. Second, that is possibly the LEAST INTERESTING SCENARIO you can come up with in a psychiatrist's office. WHAT???

But I have to work with it.

Angela: I'm next.
Chuck: No, you're not.

Um, what happened to saying "yes" to what your partner says?

I start fidgeting and acting really high-strung and potentially crazy (without going overboard).

Angela: I've been waiting forever. I need to be next.
Chuck: I've been coming here for years, so I guess you don't know how things work around here. Rosemary! Rosemary, tell her I'm next!

Dude, WHO THE HELL IS ROSEMARY??? Chuck begins having half a conversation with this imaginary woman instead of talking to me.

Part of me wanted to act like he was delusional and had an imaginary friend, but I felt like that would be breaking rules #2 and #3 at the same time, so I didn't. Eventually, the director mercifully cut us off.

Situation #3: We're in a courtroom in front of a judge.

I decided I should say something before Chuck the Brilliant misunderstood directions and tried to have us getting married at City Hall or something. I figured it might work if I were the prosecutor and he were the defendant. So I started off saying something...

Angela: Your Honor,...
Chuck: *interrupting* It wasn't us!

So Chuck has now made the scene into BOTH of us being prosecuted together? For some mysterious crime? GAH!!!

I went with it. I tried to be funny, saying nonsensical things.

Angela: See, we couldn't have done it, because we were together the whole time. And I can vouch for him, and he can vouch for me, and that's, like, totally a rock solid alibi. Right?
Chuck: We were cleaning up the vase that George broke!

WHAT??!?!??!?!?!?!?

The director stopped us pretty quickly after that and said they'd call people within the next week.

As we walked out, Chuck turned to me and said, "I think that went really well! Hope to see you again soon!" Did he just... imply... that we might both get to the next callback round? Yeah... Good luck, Chuck. (Or, perhaps, "sorry, Charlie" is more in order.)

I have a feeling that all of that was much worse in real life than it seemed in typed form, but hopefully you get the gist of it. If that audition had been a test, Chuck failed. And as his partner, I don't think I was able to salvage my own grade.

I did get something out of the experience: I learned that I'm not bad at improv. I was worried, but really, I was fine. It was my partner who was the dunce. I pulled out some things that were pretty funny (most of them wouldn't be funny if typed... you had to be there). And I'm very good at following prompts, changing tactics, and staying in the scene. So that's good.

Needless to say, I haven't heard back from Tony N Tina's Wedding. Nor do I expect to, based on that train-wreck of a callback.

Ah, well. It's probably for the best. If they cast you, they want you to stay in it for 9 months or so. There's no actual contract, but that's what they expect... in the past, some people have been in it for over 10 years. The shortest length anyone could remember was one girl who was only in for 5 months. Me? Well, seeing as how I'm moving to Florida in about 3.5 months, I don't think I'd necessarily be a great investment for them. So either I'd fess up and they'd renege the offer, or I'd be lying to them the entire time and act like I wasn't leaving... So it'll be easier not to get an offer.

Besides, I think the assistant stage manager was hitting on me. "You have my cell phone number, right? You know, in case you have questions about anything. Even if it's at like one in the morning, you can call. Actually, even if you don't have any questions, you could call." At one point he actually said, "Are you on MySpace? Because if you are, I'd like to stalk you on it." I thought he was joking, and responded in kind, until he said, "No, I mean it. I'd really stalk you on it."

Luckily, I only have Facebook, and he's not on that. But my goodness. As nice as it is to know I still have some juice flowin' and mojo poppin'... I could do without this. I've had a few guys try to hit on me lately. And they were all nice enough... but really, I'm just not open to it at the moment. (In fact, I'm so closed off to it that I haven't even blogged that it's been happening. And if it's not in the blog, it doesn't exist, right?)

Maybe he wasn't hitting on me at all... Maybe that's just the way he is? You never know.

As I left, the ASM said, "I hope you get cast. I REALLY mean that." Thanks, buddy.

After the callback, I decided I needed some "me time". So I did something awesome: I went to see a movie by myself. This is the second time I've done this, the first time being Juno back in February.

In case you have never experienced such a thing, I recommend doing it at least once. It really is rather liberating. And I chose an independent film, as I thought I was being rather independent with this action. So I saw Snow Angels. It wasn't bad. Sam Rockwell was really rather tremendous in it, albeit creepy as all get out. And for some reason, I feel as though I can relate to Olivia Thirlby as an actor. Between her characters in this and Juno... I don't know. But I'm drawn to her somehow.

Sadly, I had the misfortune of being seated next to an older couple who periodically dug into noisy plastic popcorn bags, loudly asked each other, "What's going on?", and irritated me to no end. As I was leaving the theatre, I heard them saying it was the worst movie they'd ever seen. I still haven't fully collected my thoughts on the film, but I know one thing: I liked far more than those folks did.

And I have a feeling that they'd be terrible at improv.


May you be willing to listen, accept, and connect.

~A~


P.S. I considered making the title "One Hundred Easy Ways". There's a song from the musical Wonderful Town called "One Hundred Easy Ways (to Lose a Man)". But then I realized it really had nothing to do with the post at all... Anyway. The thought was there.

P.P.S. I have moved my blog roll to a post, because it was just getting ridiculous. But if you ever need to waste time and you think you've gotten to the end of the internet, my blog roll is going to save you. It's super long, and could easily absorb several hours. There's a link to it in my side bar for easy access. Let's just call it post #101.

P.P.P.S. For those who asked in the comments of my previous post: I have a really great monologue that I used for grad school auditions. I call it my "hockey monologue", and it fits my psycho-physical rhythm extremely well. It's a girl who's obsessed with a professional hockey goalie, and believes that they have some sort of connection. I have to cut it down for length for most auditions, so I do a part in which she talks about how much she loves his warm-up rituals, and how she knows that he does them just for her. I'm really great at it, and I get laughs every time I perform it.

P.P.P.P.S. In case you don't believe me about the Chuck phenomenon, here are a few instances from the last year, just off the top of my head: The television show Chuck; the movie Good Luck, Chuck; the movie I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry; the female lead on the delightful show Pushing Daisies; Charles Schwab's "Talk to Chuck" campaign; the manipulative hottie on Gossip Girl.

Everyone's a Winner

I put all the screen-names who entered my Pay It Forward giveaway into my hat, and drew three out.

I'll admit it: part of me wanted to cut down the pool to make things easier on me. I considered taking out the guys. I considered taking out the international entries... But I didn't. I put in all the guys. I put in the internationals. I put all 23 entries into the hat (even ones I REALLY debated putting in, like the person who has already held the contest and the guy who was probably a spam poster), and these were the first three I drew:



- Alexa
- Heidi Renée
- Renee


ETA: If you really want to win, I recommend stalking those blogs... They might just post their own giveaways soon.

I know two of the winners in real life (Heidi from high school, Renee from college). And it is rather convenient that they're all female (guess who's getting Bonne Bell!) and all in the USA... but I SWEAR I played by the rules. There was no funny business. Seriously.

So ladies, please send your contact information to angelaboration(at)gmail(dot)com (or one of the other methods you have of getting a hold of me, like facebook or something).

But I had so many entries! So I'm going to reward them in two (yes, two!) ways... The first is in Link Love!!! (May all your Technorati scores rise!)

The following delightful people entered:
- The Chaotic Libra
- Cheryl
- CK1
- Eric Shonkwiler
- Frog
- Gooseberried
- Jenn
- K
- Lesha
- Livros e Revistas
- Maxie (although it appears her blog moved... Girl, where are you?)
- Melissa
- Nilsa S
- Pixelation
- Rachel
- ShadowJim
- Swanny
- theedeeter
- Tipp
- The V


Here's part two...

A lot of the entrants seemed stoked about the potential to have giveaways of their own...

So, I'm going to make an offer to everyone else.

If you start your own branch of the Pay It Forward Giveaway, then I will make you a mix CD. Yes, that's right. You, too, can have a fantastically brilliant mix CD homemade by yours truly (and I make great mixes. Just ask Brian or Jenn.)

If you decide to take me up on this, just drop me a note -- angelaboration(at)gmail(dot)com -- when you post the contest on your blog, and send me your address. :)

I hope a bunch of you start this contest yourselves. It's fun!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some follow-up on my last entry:


- Exercise
Oh, I suck at this. My weights just came in the mail, and it turns out that 5 pounds is too heavy to do many reps with. I'm a pathetic weakling. And I haven't done the belly dance stuff. Carmen Electra's stuff is just so easy... I know, I know. I swear I'll get on track soon.

-The Movie
Finally finished Romance & Cigarettes. It's frickin' weird, but I dug it. And it made me download an Engelbert Humperdinck song... Never thought I'd do that.

-Airline Fiasco
So you know how the airline said they'd refund my money? THEY DIDN'T! Those bastards. I called today, and they said it'd be back in my account in 7-14 BUSINESS DAYS. In the meantime, I went into overdraft. Thanks a lot, airline. Next time I need travel arrangements, I'm going to make my Dad do it, and I'll just pay him back. I'm not dealing with this again. Too frustrating.

-Statement of Purpose/Grad School Application
Figured out the mess with the university application. Wrote statement of purpose. Got all my stuff together in a manila envelope and brought it to work with me so that I could head to the post office and mail it on my lunch break... But when I got to the office, I didn't have the envelope anymore. It must've fallen out of my bag on the L without me noticing. To review, this envelope included:

1. One of my recommendation letters.
2. My headshot/résumé (i.e. my photograph, full name, address, phone number, email address, height, weight...)
3. My departmental application (including my social security number).

So, pretty much the worst possible thing to leave on an L, aside from maybe my wallet. Awful. I got all the stuff together again yesterday and sent it out overnight mail (I had to wait in line at the post office ON TAX DAY. Took my entire lunch period). Should be fine. And the person who wrote that rec. letter is mailing it again for me. So as long as no one steals my identity, everything is oh-bee-kay-bee.

- State Taxes
Figured it out and mailed them. HA! I beat you, government! Give me my money back!

- Tony 'N Tina's Wedding
Ran into two separate people I know on the way to the audition (to Renee & Deet: It was Tori & Girts... Random!). Went in, performed my Hockey Monologue, and walked out. And apparently I rocked it, because I got a callback. For those who don't know theatre, a callback means they liked what they saw, and they want to see me again. Tomorrow night I'm going to back to show off my improv skills. Except, oh wait, I don't have improv skills. So this is pretty much the end of the line for me, but it's still always nice to get a callback... It means you must be doing something right. :)



So, that's pretty much it at the moment. I'll let you know if anything else interesting happens. But to be honest, I wouldn't mind if things settled down for a couple of weeks. I could use the rest.


May you always feel like a winner.

~A~

Empathy Bubbles

I'm easily emotionally overwhelmed. I think it's because I'm a passionate person. I feel every event very intensely. And when too many intense events happen in a narrow space in time, it becomes too much for me to process.

I have a migraine and a stress stomachache right now just thinking about it all. Of course, my emotional state often finds a way to manifest itself physically. I break out into hives. My back locks up. My eyes leak uncontrollably. I can't turn my head. I get a rash on my face for two days that doctors can't explain. That sort of thing. Translation: my body hates my inner turmoil. It's not so much that I wear my heart on my sleeve... more that I wear it on my skin and my skeleton. And then the headaches... and the stomachaches... *sigh* Like I'm not stressed out enough without physical problems to go along with it.

The thing is, only about half of the stuff that has happened in the past week was bad. The rest of it was unexpectedly, uncharacteristically good. But still. It's too many ups and downs to handle in such a short period of time. My mind and my body cannot handle my emotional roller-coaster. (Thank goodness I'm not manic depressive.)

I have a sort of fantasy invention that I wish existed: empathy bubbles. So that when I can't explain how I'm feeling, I could just somehow put all of my emotion into a bubble, and then someone else could stick their head into it for a second and understand exactly. I need an empathy bubble right now.

Anyway. Since I can't possibly put my emotional state into a bubble and send it off to each of you, I'll just explain all the highs, lows, and in-betweens of the last week. And then I'm sure you'll understand why it was tricky trying to process it all.

(NOTE: This is my second try. I started writing this all out in chronological, paragraph form, and it was far too long and annoying... I'm going to try to be a bit more terse by going into list form... Which, because it's me, will still be long and wordy. That's just the sort of cat I am.)

- Housing
So I had decided not to live with anyone from my grad school class, because we'd be seeing way too much of each other. And I put a deposit down for a 1-bedroom, even though I'd be paying way more rent there than I am in my Chicago shoebox. Ah well. I figured it was a necessary evil.

But I got an email this week from a current student with an amazing proposition. There's a condo down there that sort of gets passed down. Every year, a 3rd-year, a 2nd-year, and a 1st-year live together. At the end of the year, the 3rd-year moves out, and they get a new 1st-year. Well, they've asked me to be their new 1st-year! Which means I'll be in a condo for the next 3 years, paying only $300 a month in rent (utilities are separate, but still)!!! Awesome! It looks like a nice place, and I'd only have to furnish my own room (they already have couches, and dishes, and an in-unit washer/dryer). I'm so set!

- Stuff
Okay, but now that all that's taken care of, it means that I have to start getting rid of all my stuff here. Like my table, chairs, microwave, blender, dishes, etc. In fact, I'm going to have to pare down EVERYTHING, because moving it all is going to be way too complicated/expensive. Bah! Craigslist and I are about to become good friends.

- Grad School Fund
I got my federal income tax refund check, and suddenly I was rich. So I added that money to what I'm calling my "grad school fund" (which, at the time I added it, only consisted of about $25 I made from a CoinStar machine). It's money that will be spent exclusively on things I need for grad school.

And in the first 24 hours after receiving it, I spent nearly $450 of it. I have NEVER spent that much money that quickly in my life. And it felt amazing. There's nothing better than spending government money. (Don't judge me. I'm doing my part to stimulate the economy! Are you?) I bought the recommended reading for grad school, and some hand weights, and monochromatic clothing for class (because monochrome is required... don't ask), and some other things. But it was all stuff I need for grad school. And there's still more money in the fund. So that's good.

The clothing I bought was from lucy. It's expensive, but SO worth it. Most comfortable clothing I've ever owned that wasn't made to be slept in. I've been stalking their clothes for weeks in anticipation of this refund check, and the salespeople love me. No, seriously. As in, they offered me a job. I turned it down because I'm making good money already (more on that later).

- Exercise
So now that I have my workout clothes (the weights will be coming in the mail soon), I figured I'd better start with this whole "getting in shape" thing. Homework/workout time! I dusted off two DVDs from my closet. First, I went with Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease (aka "Stripperobics"). I bought it about 4 years ago with my friend Mary. I have one disc (Disc #1: Aerobic Striptease), and she owns one of the others (Disc #4: The Lap Dance. I wish I were joking). Turns out, it's super easy and completely lame. The video has Carmen and two of the original Pussycat Dolls (by "original" I mean back when it was an edgy burlesque show and not a pop music girl group) doing a warm-up and two routines. And it's extremely frustrating to watch because everything they do looks attractive. And when I do it? Awkward and stupid. No, not joking. Horrible.

The second DVD? Belly Dancing. As taught by super-hot identical twins. Two routines. When I was in Rome, my roommate and I used to do the "arms and abs" routine every night, standing on our parallel beds. I had forgotten how hard it was. Oh, wow. And they TAUNT you by SMILING the whole darn time. And they look so sexy with every strange, snake-armed, Cleopatra-inspired movement. It's just not fair. And it hurts so bad. I yell at them a lot.

I know there are probably a couple of manly men reading this who think I'm a wimp right now. You know what? I CHALLENGE you to do just ONE of the routines all the way through (at their tempo) without complaining. You will be in pain. I guarantee it.

I'm trying to alternate the videos...

Day 1: Belly Dance Routine A
Day 2: Belly Dance Routine B
Day 3: All the stripperobics routines (I can do that whole DVD without breathing heavy/breaking a sweat/complaining).

Wish me luck.

- The Movie
I got a copy of Romance & Cigarettes in the mail from Netflix on Tuesday. I know NOTHING about this movie (aside from some positive reviews and the impressive cast list), which makes me very excited to see it. But I haven't had time! I had planned to watch it Tuesday, but then I went out shopping and came home and exercised. So I decided to watch it Wednesday after my exercising, but my ex-roommate Shu (a funny little Indian guy who is trying his hand at a career as a music video director) wanted to hang out and I hadn't seen him since September. So I brought the movie over to his place.

We started watching it, and then his cell phone rang and we hit pause. The next thing I remember, I woke up completely disoriented with no clue where I was. I was covered by a blanket, and all the lights were out except one very dim one. It turned out to be Shu, opening his refrigerator. I had passed out, and he insisted that I stay at his place, as the bus to mine was no longer running. I went back to sleep on his couch, went back to my place in the morning to change my clothes, and managed to get to work on time.

Moral of this story: Exercising exhausts me.

(As a side note, exercising also puts me in a bad mood. Is that supposed to happen? Aren't you supposed to get happier? Because of endorphins or adrenaline or something? What's wrong with me?)

I've been so busy that I STILL haven't watched it. Hopefully, I will tonight, if I finish the other things I have to do.

- Hair Toning
My really awesome dye-job has been fading WAY faster than it was supposed to. My stylist Karen said that I could come in and she'd tone my hair for free. So I did. Looks much better now. And I think it ended up more purple this time, which is fun. But it was just one more thing to have to do this week.

- Airline Fiasco
I'm going to see Brian over Memorial weekend. I had to buy my own plane tickets, which I've never had to do before (because my dad always makes my flight arrangements for me). But I figured it out all by myself. And then I got a confirmation email... and one of the flights was WRONG! So I tried to change it online, but was told there was a $100 fee to change it. So I called the help line (this is all on my 15-minute break at work, by the way). The automated voice said it was transferring me to a person, and then I was disconnected! And by that point, my break was over! Luckily, my awesome boss saw how upset I was and told me not to worry about going over my break limit, and just to get it changed. After being hung up on by the automaton twice more, my boss suggested saying "AGENT" into the phone. That put me on hold for a good ten minutes. But eventually I got a person who refunded everything, and then I just made my reservations again.

I wanted to scream/cry through most of that.

But anyway. Yay! I'm going to see Brian!

- Bonus
There's been a lot of talk around the office about impending potential bonuses. My boss started talking about how we shouldn't get excited, as the bonuses would probably only be enough to cover the price of a hot dog. Of course, I knew she was just trying to keep our expectations down. So I did some calculations based on a lot of complicated percentages that have been thrown around. And I was pretty happy with what I thought I'd be getting.

Turns out, I low-balled it. It's way more than I anticipated. I'd done all my calculations based on getting the equivalent of a "very good" rating last year. But my rating was more of an "astonishingly great" (I'm good at my job), so my bonus is weighted differently. And even though it's being taxed 40% (wth?), it's still a good chunk of change. Adding that to the grad school fund!

- Raise!
This is also the time for yearly raises. And my entire department got raises that are more than twice as much as I had been expecting. Um, yeah. Awesome. Too bad I'm only going to be making this much for about 3 more months.

- Lost in the mail?
I got an email from grad school saying that they never received my letter accepting their offer. WHAT??? To quote myself (from Homeworkouts & Hairdos, written a month ago): But I did mail in the letter confirming my acceptance of their offer today, so that's something. I KNOW I MAILED IT IN!!! What's going on? Anthrax again?

On top of that, they haven't received my application (which is because I haven't sent it... whoops). They were wondering if I'm still coming.

YES! YES, I'M STILL COMING! Don't give my spot away!

GAH! I'm not even there yet, and they probably already think I'm flaky and irresponsible.

I explained that I mailed that letter in, and that I'll mail in the application this weekend. They sent me another letter of acceptance, and said it should all be fine. Thank God.

- The Other Application
On top of my application to the conservatory, I also have to apply to the University. I filled out my whole application online and tried to send it in. I got an email saying that I had to pay the fee. It sent me to a page where, in order to pay, you have to insert either a student ID (which I don't have) or a customer number (which it never gave me). So I can't pay, and therefore can't submit this thing. ARGH! I wrote to the woman I was corresponding with at the conservatory, hoping that she can help me sort it all out. No response thus far.

- Statement of Purpose
So now all I have to do is write that stupid Statement of Purpose. But it turns out that, like Princeton from the musical Avenue Q, I have no idea what my purpose is or how to find it. I've been trying to write this thing since the middle of February, and I just can't.

Also problematic: my writing style has become much too conversational now that I'm a blogger. I swear, I used to be a good writer. I remember writing complex papers in college explaining why I thought the inconsistencies in Hesiod's Theogony were intentional, or how debating how perpetuating society's current concept of equality might unintentionally serve to make mediocrity acceptable.

(Tangent: I'd like to run that last sentence through an old-school version of Microsoft Word and see what rank it would receive under "grade level". Does anyone remember how it used to do that after you ran spellcheck?)

Now? Now I have the gift/misfortune of being able to type in a similar manner to the way that I speak. And the things I say aren't dissertation quality, my friends. I'm holding myself to a very high standard on this quasi-assignment, and so far I've been unable to reach that level of brilliance. Everything I write is dribble.

Logically, I know that I've already gotten into this school and having too informal of a statement of purpose is not going to cause the entrance gates to clang shut in front of me. But still. I want what I send them to make them think that I belong there. (Plus, I'm going to need to learn how to write academically and professionally again sooner or later... Might as well get to practicing now).

*sigh* I WILL finish this today. I will. And yes, I may have just edited a novel chapter and composed a blog post to procrastinate, but I swear it will get done. Because it has to. And hey, at least I've got my letters of recommendation all flowing.

- State Taxes
So my federal return obviously went fine. But my State one? Yeah. Can't file it. I did my taxes online, and it made me pay a $30 fee to get the state ones done (I only paid because I'm supposed to get more than that back). But the stupid website won't let me print it out! And I can't file online because I haven't filed taxes in this state in the past. GAH!!! I'm going to call the website help number and try to figure it out on Monday. But still. One more thing to deal with.

- Tony 'N Tina's Wedding
There's a long-running show in Chicago (among other cities) called Tony 'N Tina's Wedding. I got a call this week from them. Based on my headshot (apparently, I look Italian enough), they're inviting me to audition. So I've got that on Tuesday. I'm not even all that excited about it. I'm probably wrong for the show (I have very little improv experience), and I'm leaving town soon. Oh well. It's always good to keep auditioning. And I'm always looking for an excuse to break out my awesome "hockey monologue".

- Mary's Visit
My friend Mary (yes, the one who owns The Lap Dance DVD) called to say she's coming to visit in a couple of weeks. Our friend Mike's band has made it on to the third round of a massive Battle of the Bands (massive = international). Mary has said that she was going to come out for each of the previous two rounds, but hasn't been able to yet. Not sure if she's planning on staying with me. One more thing to think about.

- Package
A package arrived for me at my apartment building while I was at work. Usually, I get one of those orange slips from the post office that says I can walk five city blocks and pick it up there (ugh). This time, I have a post-it note on the outside of my mailbox saying that they have it in the main office. But the office is only open during hours that I'm at work! I cannot retrieve my package! I don't know what to do! (It might be my books! Although, would they have come already? I just ordered them on Tuesday...)

- Clothing Swap?
Hey, Chicago Chicks! Wanna do a clothing swap? All you'd have to do is bring any clothing/accessories that you don't want anymore. Then, you take things that other people didn't want. Genius? Pretty much. Free shopping is always a good idea. (Although my mother thinks this sounds "disgusting"... Whatever. I buy a lot of my clothes secondhand anyway. What's the difference?)

My place is tiny, but since I'm the one pushing out the idea, I guess I'll volunteer to host it. Let me know if you're interested.

- Reverse-Shopping
In an effort to both cut down on my stuff and increase the Grad School Fund, I went reverse-shopping yesterday (i.e. selling my stuff around town). I sold a bunch of CDs (like Balkan Brass music that I bought when I was doing sound design for Necessary Targets... I never need to hear that again), a couple of DVDs, and a book. And I made $27! Of course, by the time I got home I had 8 new books, a hair brush, some butterfly clips, notebooks, and less money than I started with... But still. I tried.

- That Other Thing
One of the major things stressing me out (the thing my parents are most concerned about) is something I can't mention. Let's just say that if I stop answering my phone and I'm not returning your calls, it's not because you've offended me. Please do not take it personally.

- Minnie's
Last night, I met up with a few other Beautiful Bespectacled Brunette Bloggers (quasi-famous local favorites Jenn from You are flawed if you are not free and Jamie from Oh! How Lovely!, as well as Jamie's dotcomrade Monica.)
Jamie, Monica, Jenn, and me.

We ate a darling restaurant called Minnie's that serves Mini-Food and Mini-Cocktails. Adorable!

Jenn with her cosmo. It makes her look like a giant!

Jamie with her mini-burgers

Me with my mini-sundae, which wasn't all that mini.

I really needed that girls' night. After this week? Yeah. It was nice to have a break. Thanks, ladies!


ETA: Jenn's Version & Jamie's version.

- Meme: Six Word Memoir
My dotcomrade Eric over at My Heart's Porch has tagged me with a meme.

The rules of the meme are:

1. Write your own six word memoir.
2. Post it on your blog, with an illustration, if you like. (Weird rule.)
3. Link to the person who tagged you.
4. Tag five more blogs.
5. Leave a comment on the tagged blog to make them aware.

So here goes...

- Acting, dancing, writing, singing, and exploring.
- Analyzing everything beyond all logical necessity.
- Marching by heartbeat instead of drumbeat. (oooh. I rather like that one. Remind me to use that for something.)
- On the stage and behind it.
- Thinking far more than anyone should.
- Too much for six little words.

I tag five of my newest dotcomrades:
- Tipp of A[tipp]ical Thoughts
- Maxie of Break me off a piece of that... Fancy Feast!
- Carrie Lea of Carrie Lea in the City
- Michelle of Gooseberried
- Pink Sun Drops of Pink Sun Drops




Okay, I think that takes care of everything. Hopefully, the empathy bubble is shaping up alright for you. I'm going to go sleep. And then work on that stupid statement of purpose. I promise.


May you have the power to express the emotions bubbling inside of you.
(Or at least harness their energy and turn it into something productive.)

~A~


P.S. It's not to late to enter my Pay It Forward Giveaway! Hurry up! I plan to draw names on Wednesday!

Pay It Forward Giveaway!

Do you know the concept of "Pay It Forward"?

(Also known by the far less catchy names of "Third Party Beneficiary" and "Generalized Reciprocity".)

There's a great movie by the same name which you may have seen (which is based off of a novel).

The idea is that you do something nice for someone. Then, instead of having them pay you back, you ask them to pay it forward to someone else.

In the book/movie, a boy tries to enact this plan in threes. He helps three people, then they each help three people, and so forth. It's his way of changing the world. It really is a delightful concept.

ETA: It's a great movie. If you're going to watch it, you will want a box of tissues nearby.

Well, I am proud to be participating in a chain of events in that vein.
How?
With a Pay It Forward giveaway!

I was recently a winner of such a contest, and received a delightful package from Carrie Lea.

(My package contained a picture postcard, Post-It tags that say "Look/Like/Love", a Cubbies candy bar, pretty magnets, lip gloss, and Wrigley's Spearmint gum)

Neat, huh?

This Pay It Forward Giveaway seems to have been going for awhile now. You can trace the chain of events through blogs a little bit...

- Carrie Lea in the City
- *hello darling!
- Jen on the Edge
- Flutterby me Garden
- Bunny Bunster the Queen of Medium Maintenance
- Bits and Odd Pieces of Mindy's Kingdom
- frogblog

That's as far back as I could get (couldn't find a post about it on frogblog), and it took a good amount of searching to get that far!

Anyway. I am now paying it forward as well.

If you would like to be entered in the Pay It Forward Giveaway, all you have to do is respond to this post. I will draw screen-names out of a hat (yes, literally... I own a great hat for this sort of thing), and then I will post the winners at a later date so that I can get their contact information and figure out how to send them things.

ETA: There will be THREE winners!!! (I can't believe I forgot to mention that!)

I won't tell you what you'll win (mostly because I'm not sure yet), but I promise it will be delightful. And it will most definitely include a mix CD homemade by yours truly (and I know you love my taste in music).

And remember, if you win this contest, you don't just win prizes. You win the opportunity to pay on a good deed to three other people. And really, that's the thing I was most excited about when I won.

But if you don't win, don't let that stop you! Create your own, not-connected branch of Pay-It-Forward. A little karma goes a long way, baby.

So yes. I think I'll collect the entries in a week or so. Don't forget to comment on this post in order to enter!!! (Don't be shy, boys! I won't send you lip gloss. Scout's honor!)


May you let people pay it forward instead of paying you back,

~A~


P.S. "I really just want you to know how much I appreciate you and love you." Brian wrote that on my Facebook wall today. Out of nowhere. *sigh* He's pretty great.

Headlines

1. As you can see (unless you're a Reader reader, in which case, come look!), I have a new header! And it's completely lovely! I am massively obsessed with it, and have been returning to my own blog every 15 minutes. I don't know why... To make sure it's still there? I guess I just want to admire it. LOVE it.

I have to say, Jess from Delicious Design Studio is pretty much a goddess. I highly recommend her for all your blog-design needs.

Check out the process...

First, I gave her some information about myself and my blog. I told her I wanted to go with greens and purples. I said I wanted the "i" to be dotted with something that wasn't a dot. And I showed her several images I liked, including this one and this one.


That was Jess's first try. As you can see, she took my ideas and ran with them. Isn't it neat? But we decided that the pattern was a little two busy when run next to my current plaid background. After debating just scraping the background I had and starting from scratch with it, she said she thought she could work with it. And I told her I had a new tagline I wanted to use. She came back with this:


Equally awesome, yes? I decided I really wanted purple over the pink, so I asked her to switch that back. I LOVE the way the words fit together. And I totally dig the squiggly flower in the background, but I sorta missed the purple blob from the first go-round. I told her I couldn't decide whether I preferred the squiggle flower or the purple blob... She said she'd try to find a way to make them work harmoniously. And then she brought me this!



I'm so happy with it! And Jess is a gem. She's delightful. And she and I are practically going to be neighbors when I move to Sarasota in the fall! So yes. Go to my new friend Jess and tell her what you want. She'll rock your socks off.

2. There is a winner from my tagline contest (as I'm sure you've noticed)!!!

Over-thinking is underrated.

Despite his massive internal debate about the ethics of accepting a prize, Barry has been sent an iTunes gift certificate. Congratulations Barry! And thank you! I LOVE it. So catchy, so concise, and so TRUE! Definitely a good way to prepare people for what they're about to get themselves into when they stumble across this little blog of mine.

The first runner-up was submitted by my metaphysical boyfriend Brian. Your solution to everyday hypoxia. It's an extraordinarily clever way of saying that my blog is "a breath of fresh air". And I love him for submitting it. If only it weren't so esoteric...

Other entries included:

- awestriking (Donna)
- The best damn nounverb you know. (Brian)
- Drama? You're soaking in it! (Clowncar)
- hysterical histrionic heroine (Kate)
- I'm awestriking you right this minute. (Brian)
- It is all about me, after all. (Nilsa)
- Life on the stage. (Eric)
- Me, yes, me. (Kate)
- Methinks she doth blog too much. (Eric)
- Six syllables of scintillating soliloquy. (Brian)
- Super fuck yeah! (Jenn)
- Take your time, it's just begun. (Kate)
- Think of me as ninety-nine on a dance break. (Brian)
- Welcome to the angelaboratory. (Nico)

Thank you to everyone who submitted! I love you all!


3. I have finally heard from the final member of my grad school class. It's a 32-year old married guy from Wyoming (there are people from Wyoming??? I was convinced that state didn't exist!) who listens to music I've never heard (Coheed and Cambria?), likes movies I've never seen (Waking Life?), and enjoys things I didn't know people liked (black silk suits?).

4. You may have noticed that my current playlist is completely new music... Because of my April Fooling, I completely forgot to write about my most recent blogger meet-up experience. I went to see the Hotel Cafe Tour with Jenn, Angie, and Jessi.

Jessi, Jenn, Angie, and me. 03/30/08

The performers were Meiko, Cary Brothers, Ingrid Michaelson, Joshua Radin, and Dan Wilson (formerly of Semisonic). I have put music that each of them played on my playlist, because they're all wonderful. Ingrid described them as "a bunch of sensitive singer-songwriters", but they're really so much more than that.

Unfortunately, as the concert began, I had a HORRIBLE stress stomachache. SUCH bad pain. I bought some Zantac 150 at a drugstore before going in to the concert, but I knew it wasn't going to be good. Luckily, I found a table next to a bar near the stage that I was able to sit on. I was worried that some venue authority was going to reprimand me for sitting on it and I'd end up in a fetal position on the floor of the bathroom for the remainder of the concert, but that didn't happen. Probably because they were worried I was drunk and going to vomit if they moved me. I was doubled over while seated through several of the songs. It sucked. Also, I felt incredibly guilty. Jenn and Angie kept asking if I was alright, and giving worried glances in my general direction. Awfully sweet of them. I felt bad for being a burden.

Some of the performers stories and jokes were really fantastic. Meiko told a great story about being in a student film and playing the role of a hot dog (and then sang a song about the experience), and also one about a trip to Hawaii that didn't end well (and included Jenn's new favorite phrase, "Super fuck yeah!"). Cary told a story about getting left behind a couple days before by the tour bus. And Ingrid staged her own impromptu Vagina Monologue when the placement of her ukulele's microphone was... awkward.

I was only vaguely familiar with all the performers going into the evening. I only knew one song of Meiko's going in, which was "How Lucky We Are" (turns out her most well-known song is actually "Reasons to Love You", since it was featured on Grey's Anatomy). With Cary, I only knew "Blue Eyes" (thanks to the movie Garden State). With Joshua I knew "Closer", "Winter", and "Paperweight" (all of which I believe have been on my blog playlist in the past). I knew several of Ingrid's songs (like the ubiquitous "The Way I Am", as well as "Keep Breathing", "Overboard", and my favorite, "Die Alone"). And Dan? I only knew his Semisonic work.

I have to say that I'm madly in love with Dan Wilson... Even though he's married... And has a daughter... And he's 47... Doesn't matter. I love him. Semisonic is one of my favorite bands ever, and Dan's solo work is equally good. He is, after all, a Grammy-winning songwriter (he cowrote the Dixie Chicks' hit "Not Ready to Make Nice"). At one point Dan Wilson sang a cover of "Annie's Song" that rocked my world. *sigh* I intended to buy his CD, but they sold out before I got to the front of the line!!! So I did something I've never done before: I bought it on iTunes when I got home. I needed it that badly. (I especially love "All Kinds" and "Baby Doll", both of which he performed at the show).

My favorite feature of this tour was how much the various performers utilized each other. Ingrid wrote a really amazing round called "The Chain" that she performed with Meiko and Allie Moss (a terrific singer in her own right who is just singing back-up on this tour). Cary had Dan, Ingrid, and Meiko sing back-up for him on "Blue Eyes". Dan invited everyone to sing on "All Kinds (of Beautiful)". Joshua and Ingrid did a duet of "Tonight You Belong to Me" from the movie The Jerk that was positively charming. It was all delightful.

After the concert, Jessi (who has the inside scoop on everything because she knows the music director/EmCee/guitarist for the tour) told us to stick around. We did, and we got to meet Cary and Meiko as a result. Awesome!





Sadly, my camera died... but if you want, you can see more of Angie's pictures here.


5. By the way, isn't Meiko's dress adorable? Yeah, I loved it, too. She said she got it at Urban Outfitters. I rushed out the next day and bought it.

Did I have any business buying it when I'm trying to save money?
No.

Do I have any occasion to wear it in the near future?
No.

Did I get a good deal on it?
No.

Do I have more clothing than is defensible for a non-celebrity to have?
Yes...

But I had to have it!
And I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it!!!








6. My friend Monica came into town this weekend. And I was super thrilled to see her. We stayed up half of last night venting and gossiping. I'd write more, but frankly, I'm tired of blogging right now (do you know how long it took to write this post??? Way long.)


Okay. I think I'm done for now.


May you start over-thinking on a regular basis. After all, it's underrated.

~A~


P.S. That awesome concert? Guess who else wrote about it?
- Angie
- Jenn
- Jessi