Happily Sleepless

I can't sleep. Not that the inability to sleep is unusual for an insomniac like me. But this is different.

I can't sleep because I'm excited.

On Saturday, I fly to London.

On Sunday (around 2:20am EST, or 7:20am GMT), I will be in London.

That's about 50 hours from the time I'm writing this.

Phil is meeting me at the airport.

...

Guys, have I mentioned how crazy about him I am?

(I like him a completely normal amount.)

I'm so happy that I'm about ready to cry.

I can't wait.

:)


May you find someone who makes you feel complete.

~A~

Facebook Thinks I'm a Star

People that Facebook is currently suggesting to me as friends (I am not kidding, this is the exact list, in its entirety):

- Aaron Lazar

- Alex Timbers

- Alice Ripley

- Brian D'Arcy James

- Brian Lowdermilk

- Celia Keenan-Bolger

- Danny Burstein

- Donna McKechnie

- Eric Schaeffer

- Felicia Finley

- Frank Hartenstein

- Gordon Greenberg

- Heidi Blickenstaff

- Jeanine Tesori

- Jeff Marx

- Jeremy Schonfeld

- Jessica Grové

*- John McDaniel (aka John McD from The Rosie O'Donnell Show)

*- Kelsey Fowler

- Kurt Deutsch

*- Leslie Becker

- Liz Callaway

- Marin Mazzie

*- Melissa van der Schyff

- Michael Cerveris

- Michael Longoria

- Tituss Burgess

- Tommy Tune

- Tyler Maynard

- Will Swenson

(I put asterisks next to the ones I've actually met... which is because they're all working on the pre-Broadway try-out of Bonnie & Clyde at my theatre right now. You know, the show I got a callback for last spring...)

I know most people who read my blog will have no idea who most of those people are. But suffice it to say, those people all have really great careers in musical theatre. All of them. There are Tony Award nominees (and winners!) up there. There are composers, choreographers, actors, and even a Broadway Production Stage Manager.

And I have enough friends in common with all of those people that Facebook suggested that I might know them.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I think I've entered the minor leagues.

May you start seeing signs of progress, no matter how minor and superficial they may be.

~A~

ETA: Newly suggested:

- Michael Arnold

- Max Crumm

- Ken Davenport

- Susan Egan

- Christopher Gattelli

- Gary Griffin

- Megan Hilty

- Tobin Ost

- Nikki Snelson

- J. Robert Spencer

- John Lloyd Young

ETA: Oh man, there are more!

- Erika Amato

- Michael Arden

*- Wayne Duvall

- Barrett Foa

- Jerry Mitchell

- Benj Pasek

- Ty Taylor

I Can't Handle It

Yesterday, I was looking in the fridge for some leftover pasta that I'd made the night before to eat for lunch. I couldn't find it anywhere. I started emptying parts of the fridge out. No pasta in sight.

And I had a meltdown over it.

I started crying.

And then I realized that it was a stupid thing to cry over.

And I decided to continue crying, because clearly, I needed to cry.

This was transference.

I knew that.

But the tears were still valid.

As it turned out, one of my roommates tossed the pasta while cleaning out her old leftovers, mistaking it for one of hers. (Completely understandable, as I rarely cook anything.)

Not a big deal in the end. I made myself more pasta. It was fine.

But I did have a meltdown.

My mother says I haven't seemed like myself lately. I'm less optimistic than usual. Less bubbly. I'm not really sure why.

- The play I was in just closed, and I'm relieved.

- I'm going to see Phil in a couple of weeks. (As of this posting, I have not been in his presence for 133 days, but I'll be with him again in 18.)

- Phil's work is going super well, and I'm really proud of him (and happy for him).

- I'm about to start work on a show I'm really excited about and have a great role in.

In short, life is good. Phil would quote The Simpsons: "Everything's coming up Millhouse!"

But I'm getting stressed out by little things. And some not so little ones.

Like the student loans that I was given this semester that I didn't want and didn't ask for, and which they won't let me give back. It's frustrating, it angers me, and I feel like it's something I can't deal with right now.

Or the website that I'm supposed to design for my class' showcase in NYC... which I did NOT want to be responsible for, but my classmates unanimously elected me because they think that I understand web design because I have a blog. THOSE ARE NOT RELATED SUBJECTS. I have NO IDEA how to design a website. And I have no budget to hire anyone. And when I've tried to get help from people in the theatre, I keep being met with roadblocks. And I'm super frustrated.

Or the fact that I'm single-handedly dealing with our headshot photographer -- which was not my job -- because I've worked with her before, and the person who was assigned the job of dealing with headshot photographers seems completely content to delegate the job to me. Which would be fine, if I didn't have other things on my plate.

I have to start learning an Italian dialect, which no one else has to learn this season. And I have lost my script for a THIRD time. WHERE DOES IT KEEP GOING???

I have to put away the three loads of laundry that I've done in the last 24 hours. But the last load is sitting in the washer until my roommate takes her stuff out of the dryer. (I'd take it out and put it on top, but it appears that she did that with our other roommate's stuff.)

I have barely blogged for my grad school blog or the theatre blog I "work" for (although they don't pay me, so I shouldn't feel as guilty as I do).

I have to get a hostess gift for Phil's mom before we go stay with them. But I don't know what to get. And I'm desperate to make a good impression, in case she ends up being my mother-in-law.

I have to figure out whether I can get Austrian citizenship or Italian citizenship if this German stuff doesn't work out.

I have to arrange a very complicated endeavor in order to get my winter coat back. The short version: I accidentally left it on a tour bus in France, and it is now in possession of Tour Guide Andrew (who asked me out the week before I met Phil... and whom I avoided going out with). I'm going to need said winter coat in the UK, as it will be December and freezing. But it's too awkward for Phil to have to meet up with Andrew to get my coat... So I'm still trying to figure that out.

I have to buy winter boots. And probably more winter clothing. Living in Florida for the last few years has depleted my stock of warm clothing.

I still have to find scenes for Showcase. Which isn't until April, but I still feel behind.

I have to go to my car insurance company to try to get them to cover some damage that was done to my car by another car in a parking lot when I wasn't around. Don't know how that'll work, but I do think I've met my deductible for the year... So I have to figure it out before year's end.

They still haven't figured out how to solve the I-need-to-understudy-the-Big-Musical-to-get-Equity-weeks-but-I'm-leaving-the-country dilemma. The show has it's first audience on Friday, and I've only attended one rehearsal.

I still have this doctor's bill I haven't paid from months ago, because they keep claiming they're not getting my faxes with my insurance card info. So today I finally photocopied my card and mailed it to them. I hope that works.

I want to get Phil's Christmas present before I go there, so that I can give it to him then and not have to ship it... but I don't know what to give him. I'm the worst present-giver ever. And I had a brilliant idea, but it's out of my student-loan-based price range.

All this stuff is stressing me out. It's not huge. None of it. Except the citizenship stuff.

Oh, by the way... Phil found me on Twitter. So I changed my Twitter name, and will no longer be tweeting when I update my blog. Why? Because as much as I trust him, I don't think it's a good idea for him to read this. I feel like it's jinxed. It hurt Brian. It hurt The Filmmaker. I'd rather not jinx things with Phil. (Even though I do, on occasion, read him my blog posts over Skype.)

I have a very, very, very overdue Blockbuster Express DVD on my coffee table, but I haven't watched it yet (because I haven't been in a Black Snake Moan kind of mood since the day I got it, which was also the day that Lady MacBook freaked out and decided to stop accepting DVDs), so I feel like I shouldn't return it. Whatever. I figure eventually they'll just charge me for it... or they'll go out of business and forget I have it.

I was going to do NaNoWriMo. I even went to a write-up last weekend. But honestly, I just don't want the added stress right now. I'm not mentally healthy enough for NaNoWriMo (although one could make an argument that a sane person wouldn't attempt it in the first place).

I have this mysterious pain in my stomach yet again. My doctor thinks it's related to the birth control she's put me on that's supposed to help control my alleged polycystic ovarian syndrome. She says if the pain isn't completely unbearable, that I should tough it out for a couple of months. It's pretty bad, but I'm going to try to stick it out.

Actually...

Maybe the birth control is what's making me feel out of control.

It would be funny if it weren't so obvious.

May you be able to handle whatever life throws at you.

~A~

P.S. Thank God I'm going to be able to see Phil soon. He's the light at the end of this tunnel.