To the Universe

Okay, so I keep hearing lately that if you want something, sometimes you have to say you want it. Put it out into the universe.

I've prayed. And lit candles at Mass (which have been surprisingly successful). And I finally just sent an e-mail to the Head of my program about something that I really want.

So I'm going to put it into the internet, where it will surely reach all expanses of the universe.

I WANT GOOD CASTING NEXT YEAR!!!

I want to be one of the stewardesses in Boeing Boeing.

I know that they've already cast one of the three stewardesses as an Equity actress, and rumor has it that they chose the show with one of my fellow classmates in mind for another of them. So that only leaves one role left that could possibly go to me, and it could just as easily go to the classmate whom I seem to be interchangeable with. And she has requested the show as well. But she gets everything. I JUST WANT THIS ONE THING. PLEASE GOD LET ME GET THIS ONE. I NEED TO WIN ONE RIGHT NOW!!!

I would also really, really, really like to be in Bonnie & Clyde. It seems like a total long-shot... But even if I get into that (which, don't get me wrong, would be AMAZING AND AWESOME), I'm guessing I'd be in the background chorus, not in an interesting role.

And I just want one good role while I'm in grad school. Just one.

They chose 6 shows for next year's season:
- One play is only men.
- One play has no women under the age of 50
- One play has four women characters who are all TINY roles. The best among them only speaks one word at a time (which is funny, I guess). The other three don't show up until part way through the final act, and are (frankly) indistinguishable from each other.
- One play has 6 female roles (and a bazillion male roles, as usual), none of which I seem to be right for. (One is a "plump" woman, one is half-black, two are "old", and the other two small roles -- usually played by one woman -- are rumored to be cast already).
- Bonnie & Clyde (which, like I said, is a long shot, but I would be lucky -- and honored -- to be in the chorus of)
- Boeing Boeing -- a play with 4 women and 2 men.

I've read all the plays with women in my age range. Boeing Boeing is the one I'm right for. It's a silly, ridiculous, shallow, hilarious little play. And I am, if I may say so, a silly, ridiculous, shallow, hilarious little girl.


I just don't want this year to be a repeat of last year. I don't want them to think, "Oh, Angela can do anything, so we'll just put her wherever we need someone." This, my friends, is the curse of not having a strong type. I understand that it can be a blessing to not be pigeon-holed, but it also means that no one thinks of me first for anything.


And really, I don't want to leave this place without having a real role. Because honestly, if I can't get a good role here, how can I expect to get a good role anywhere?

And it's not for lack of talent or effort! (I'm sorry to brag, but it's true.) I'm good at what I do. Very good. And I think you'd be hard-pressed around here to find anyone to tell you otherwise.


I remember an episode of Seinfeld about how things have a way of evening out. I'm not complaining, but I think the black stones have been piling up on the scale in the last eight months of my life (yes, this is an allusion to Lost. Sorry for mixing karmic television ideas). I need a big white stone to balance out my scale. And the white stone that I want is good casting.



May God smile on us all.

~A~

In Case You Were Wondering

- I'm going to Europe on May 5th, and will be there until July 1st.
{NOTE: If you are in Europe during this time and would like to host me for a visit, please let me know (especially if you are in Italy, Ireland, or Spain, which are all places that I'd like to go but have no place to stay). If you want to see me (and not host me) and happen to be in/near the United Kingdom (I'll be predominantly in London), or in Greece, Austria, France, or The Netherlands (all of which are countries I plan to visit), please contact me.}

- I talked to the friend who was putting me in awkward sexual situations. He stopped.

- I have a schoolmate who terrifies me, and who has harassed me in the past. I attempted to talk to the administration at my program about setting up a more clear system for students to report harassment. It's not happening.

- But I did have a complete breakdown in front of one professor, who said I will never again have to work with that classmate in her class.

- I opened a show that I'm very proud of, and that I think I'm doing good work in. My entire class is in it, which is cool. It's a total downer of a play, but the audiences seem to like it. Half of the critics love it, and the other half warn the audience that it's polarizing. I play a nurse with a New York dialect, and a prison matron with a unibrow. I love playing the nurse, but when I talk to audience members, I get more compliments on the matron.

(My entire class and our director in the pale blue shirt, after the opening of our show. 03/03/10)

- I'm on "Spring Break", which means I have no classes, but I'm still performing in six shows a week and rehearsing for another show.

- The show I'm rehearsing for is a student-produced Shakespeare play: King John. I'm playing Eleanor and Salisbury. It's a cut of the play that's rather short (70 minutes, I think). I don't have a massive role, but I'm so geeked to be in it, I can't even tell you.

- I've become friends with the classmate I once called "Alpha". We're doing pretty well right now.

- My phone says I have 13 missed calls last night between 12:35am and 1:55am from a friend. The same friend who used to be suicidal. He called me yesterday in the middle of the day really upset. I tried to call him when I woke up, but he didn't answer. I'm terrified.

- I have a t-shirt I love with a crazy print of some old-timey greyscale women dressed in 1800s clothing painting neon graffiti on a brick wall by the Eiffel tower that says "Paris Loves Hip-Hop". It's fading. I bought three different colors of sparkly fabric glitter glue to resurrect it. It looks awesome, and I'm totally proud of it.

- People keep telling me I look like I've lost weight. My scale keeps telling me I haven't.

- Two of my classmates got engaged on Valentine's Day.

- Those same two classmates are going on a Master Cleanse detox in a couple of weeks, that involves drinking homemade lemonade made from lemon juice, maple syrup, cayenne pepper, and water. Just that. For ten days. I might do it with them. I might be insane.

- I missed church this week, and I'm really bummed about it.

- I was invited to audition for a pre-Broadway run of a new musical. I did pretty well. I don't know if I'll get in or not, but I know that I'm still in the running. And that's awesome. (Please say a prayer for me if you're the praying sort. And if you're not, please send good vibes and cross your fingers.)

- My theatre has a great season next year. It sounds like there are only 4 shows that I have any chance of being in. I've read two of them, and ordered a 3rd. (The 4th is the pre-Broadway run that I'm praying for.)

- I'm terrified that I'm not going to have good casting in next year's season at the theatre. It's happened to many people before me. And frankly, my casting this year isn't great. And that's discouraging.

- My brother just got back together with the girl he'd been dating for awhile, whom I really like. They broke up on Valentine's Day, and got back together exactly one month later. I'm thrilled.

- I'm really good at the General New York dialect. And I'm really good at the Standard British dialect. And I'm really proud of both of those facts. We're doing Irish next, and it's super hard for everyone in my class. I'm going to find a way to be really good at it, I've decided.

- I love Shakespeare slightly less than I used to, just because I'm so very sick of my the way we do the scenes in my acting class... Which is basically that we COMPLETELY RE-BLOCK THEM every time we do them.

- Does that mean that I have senioritis? Or, I guess, second-year-itis? (I have another year left of grad school, but you only have classes your first two years... the third is pretty much just acting in plays)

- I want this dress and this dress (I like them both in "Bluebird", although it does not appear to be at all the same color for the two). I have been stalking both dresses for a long time. But I can't spend that kind of money on a dress. And for some reason, Express hasn't sent me any coupons in the last 3 months, and there don't seem to be any valid coupon codes on Retail Me Not (believe me, I've been trying all of them). I have one coupon, but it's not usable on the internet, and neither dress is in my local Express. This upsets me. And I think about it far more than I should.

- I made February a No-Buy Month. Meaning that I didn't buy stuff. I still bought food and other amenities. But no clothes. Or make-up. Or random junk to fill my room with. It was really, really difficult for me. As it turns out, I'm a way more emotional shopper than I thought I was.

- I'm being harder on myself for Lent this year than I have been in the past. I fasted on Ash Wednesday, and am going meatless on Fridays. I gave up alcohol (which isn't THAT hard for me, but it does suck to not have it on my opening night OR closing night parties for this show, and to not be drinking at all during Spring Break). I have also given up cookies, cake, ice cream, candy, and most other sweets. (I decided that milkshakes are my exception, because I couldn't possibly go without Shamrock Shakes at McDonalds.) And I'm trying to add more positivity into my life, and share it with others. I'm doing pretty well, actually.

- I totally had Seasonal Affected Disorder strike again this year, which I thought would never happen once I moved to Florida. But we had terrible, grey, cloudy, miserable weather for a couple of months, and I realized it coincided with me feeling generally awful about myself and my life. There was a lot of unhappiness and random bouts of crying. But the Shamrock Shakes have helped me through all of that. I'm better now.

- I got into a minor car crash in a parking lot. Which means that I was backing up, and I hit a dairy truck. Yeah. Embarrassing. And my car doesn't look great.

- After over a year of daily posts of random internet whatnot, I've decided to stop holding myself to a daily schedule on Lemon Wacky Hello. But I have one heck of an archive now, if you need some entertainment.

- I miss blogging. But I just don't have the energy.


May you never feel like you have to give up things you love,

~A~