How I'll See Your Face Again

My aunt bought me a copy of The Rembrandts "L.P." for my birthday in 1996. They sang the theme to the television show "Friends", which she knew I liked. I was massively obsessed with that tape for most of middle school.

One of my favorite songs on it was "April 29".

It's because of that song that I started paying attention to the 29th day of April every year. And it always turned out to be a remarkable day for one reason or another. Seriously, every year. It was always a good date. And a day that remarkable, out-of-the-ordinary sorts of things happened.

The year that really sealed the date as one of destiny in my mind was when the guy I had an all-consuming crush on asked me to the prom (oh, dear God, I hope he doesn't read this and realize I had a crush on him. Although I don't know why that would matter at this point. I haven't seen him in years. But still, something about him ever knowing still seems completely mortifying for some reason... Although he probably knew at the time, if he had any sense in him... That's a terrifying thought... I'm over-thinking this again, aren't I?).

My junior year of college, the theatre club was taking a road trip to Chicago to see the musical Wicked. I had already seen it (I went through my Wicked-obsessed phase over a year before all my friends did, and by the time they were going I was SO SICK of hearing them sing "Defying Gravity" and "For Good" at the drop of a hat), and they were going on April 29. That fateful day of mine. So, months in advance, I decided not to book a ticket. Even though I knew I would be completely lonely and probably regretting missing out on this major social event. I just knew it was better to stay close to home on April 29. Crazy things were going to happen. They always did.

Lo and behold, around 1:00am on April 29th, I was asked out on a date. And around 7:00pm on April 29, I went out on my first ever date, with the guy who became my first ever boyfriend.

I didn't even notice that it had been April 29th until it was about ten minutes to midnight. I looked at him and started laughing. I said, "Happy April 29", knowing that I had already told him the story about my wacky day. And he said, "Darn it. I was hoping you wouldn't remember. I didn't want you to think us getting together was just some crazy fluke because of this day of yours."

Strangely, two years later on our anniversary, April 29th was the beginning of the end of that relationship. A fluke? No. Probably a long time coming. But that was the first day that I knew something had changed. Something had gone wrong.

Anyway. Around this time every year, I used to wonder if something would happen on April 29. And this year marks the first time that it represents something a little different to me; it has become a reminder of the first relationship I ever had, and all the reasons why it didn't work.

Part of me hopes that my strange strokes of fate will continue. And part of me hopes it will be unremarkable. Maybe it'll be different now. Maybe it's tainted by this guy from my past. Maybe now that I'm done with the guy, I'm done with the day.

The funny thing is, my interpretation of the song April 29 is about a long distance relationship. Of course, that might be using a metaphoric meaning... If you try to take it too literally, it might turn into a song about someone in a mental institution. But that's not the way I see it.

(Download "April 29" by right-clicking here. Or just click to listen.)

(full lyrics)

I've been so lonely since I lost my mind, and my patience is wearin' thin
But I feel lucky when I think of you, and how I'll see your face again
Everything is fine
April twenty-nine
I'll try to be on time
April twenty-nine

Also interesting is that the song takes place on April 22 (I called you to tell you /I'm coming home in seven days/In a word it's all arranged).

Brian thought that maybe April 22nd would become my new lucky day.

But moving on...

I'm glad you all seemed to enjoy the post about my terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad callback.

To those who were confused as to how Chuck got a callback in the first place, it's because the audition consisted only of a monologue. It should be pointed out that being a good actor and being a good improv-er do NOT go hand in hand. It is incredibly possible to be brilliant at one and awful at the other. So, clearly, that's how Chuck made it to the second round of auditions.

Well, that and that he's male. Guys often get a bit of a break. They get moved on because there are more male roles than female, and fewer male bodies. It's horrible.

Anyway. So the following conversation happened to me on Sunday...

Woman: Hi! Angela, right?
Me: Um, yeah. Wow, you must have a good memory. I'm sorry, but I can't place you.
Woman: I'm the stage manager from Tony n' Tina's Wedding.
Me: Oh! Hi!
Woman: Nice job at callbacks.
Me: Oh... Thanks...
Woman: Why don't you sound convinced?
Me: I don't know if you remember, but my partner was... challenging.
Woman: I don't remember that... I just remember that you were really funny.
Me: Thanks.
Woman: What was challenging?
Me: Do you remember a guy saying the phrase, "I've got to get out of this box"?
Woman: No...
Me: Or claiming that a man named George broke the vase?
Woman: Oh. That I remember.
Me: And on the blind date, he asked...
Woman: *interrupting* What do you think of that lighting fixture?
Me: YES!
Woman: Yeah, he was pretty bad.

We then had a lovely discussion in which she assured me that she thought I was great (and she swore up and down that she wasn't just saying that, and that if she hadn't thought I was good, she just wouldn't have brought it up). She said that whether I'm cast or not will have everything to do with if the director could see me in a role, and nothing to do with my lame scene partner.

And then my darling friend Anna made the mistake of mentioning RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE STAGE MANAGER that I'm going to grad school in the fall and moving away in 3.5 months. Thanks a lot, Anna. I was trying to hide that little tidbit of information for as long as possible. Luckily, the stage manager was cool and said she wouldn't tell the director.

But then on Tuesday, I got a call. The people from Tony n' Tina's Wedding asked me in for a second callback. Who, me? Seriously? YES! So I get to go see the show for free this weekend.

Oh, by the way, Tuesday was April 22nd. So maybe Brian called it right after all. Maybe I have a new lucky day?

I wonder if Chuck did make me look better by comparison...

Maybe I shouldn't get too excited. I've been advised by more than one person NOT to do this show. They've said things like, "Don't put it on your résumé if you do it", and "You're way too talented for that." It's very commercial, and it's not exactly high art...

But I don't know. It seems like it could be fun. And if it's not, oh well. It would be temporary anyway... But I'm counting chickens here.

***************

Wednesday, I got a phone call from Ex #1. Yes, the one I broke up with in June. The one who first asked me out on April 29. The one who hasn't wanted to talk to me.

He left a voicemail saying he wants to go see the musical Avenue Q when it comes into Chicago next month, and did I want to go with him.

WHAT??? After not talking to me for 10 months, you want to go see a play together??? *sigh of exasperation*

I called him back and told him that it depended on whether I get cast in this show. And we talked for 20 minutes. It wasn't nearly as awkward as I thought it would be. (I conveniently left all talk of Brian out of the conversation, although I'm sure the fact that there's a boy in my facebook picture and I'm in an "It's Complicated" relationship haven't escaped his attention).

My parents think I should go. They think I broke his heart (fine, I did). They think that he's doing the best he can to try to reconnect. They think he needs closure.

Whatever. I don't think I really want to see him. Talk to him, sure. But see him? One on one? Just seems like there's going to be a lot of dead space in the conversation. I don't need to see him. I just needed to know that he was okay.

Part of me feels like I should go. I have this false sense of obligation. Maybe there's a part of me that's still trying to be "a good girlfriend" to him... even though I am definitely NOT his girlfriend. Old habits die hard, I suppose.

And in case you're wondering, no, I do not have any lingering feelings for him. Seriously. None.

Maybe that's at least in part because of how hard I've fallen for Brian.

I haven't mentioned Brian a lot lately, but he's a huge part of my life. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite subject. He's just... my favorite thing in general. He makes me smile. He makes me laugh. He makes me feel like I'm worth something. He's supportive. He's attentive. He's helpful. He talks with me about things that no one has ever been willing to talk about with me before. I feel better about myself as a result of him being in my life.

And I get to see him oh-so-soon! He's coming to Chicago in May, and then I'm going to Nebraska a week later for a few days. He's going to help me improve at video games! And we might go to the zoo! And we're going to watch Battlestar Galactica and Firefly (his picks) along with The Office and Arrested Development (my picks). And, weather permitting, we might go fly kites (something I've never done... it's on my list of things to do before I die). I can't tell you how excited I am!

"I feel lucky when I think of you, and how I'll see your face again."


May you remember how lucky you are.
May you have a few things to look forward to.
And may you find someone who makes you smile.

~A~


P.S. This might be cool. 50 bloggers from the 50 states? Party.

P.P.S. I went to a karaoke party tonight. I sang "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley and "Band of Gold" by Freda Payne. And I totally rocked it. And I danced shamelessly so much that I actually had "fans", and a gay man felt me up (no, seriously, I haven't gotten that much action since October before my break-up with Ex #2).

P.P.P.S. Remember how I mentioned losing my grad school application on the L? I got it in the mail today. Some good-hearted person mailed the whole thing back to me. It's nice to know that there are people like that in the world.