Out of the Networks

(Me and Wifey at a pizza place. 05/22/09)

So since about, oh, August, I've been difficult to reach. I thought it would be a good idea to start calling all of the people who I scroll past in my contacts list and think, "Oh man, the next time I have time for a good long talk, I NEED TO CALL YOU" about. As it turns out, that list has gotten very, very long.

Occasionally one of those people will do the calling (like my friend John, whom I spoke with a couple of weeks ago for the first time in about 9 months). And usually, I say, "It's so great to hear from you! Can I call you back?" But the best laid plans of mice and Angela go oft awry.

I've neglected so much while being at school -- which is, of course, exactly what I needed to do. The days are gone when I can come home at 5pm and work on my less-than-Pulitzer-worthy chick-lit novel. I can't hold myself to a blogging schedule of twice a week (I've been barely clinging to once a month). And I certainly can't keep up with all the people I care about.

I thought about making myself some kind of schedule. Call one person a day or something. But that seemed formulaic and somehow disingenuous. Like "I'm calling you today because you're the next person on my list" as opposed to "I thought about you today and I genuinely care about what's going on in your life."

I used to be better at this. Keeping up with people and information. Brian, my ex-metaphysical-boyfriend, has said that whenever he wants to know what someone from our high school is up to, he knows his best bet is to call me. I know about the girl who's engaged to a girl, the girl who has three kids and just got divorced, the girl who is now a guy, and the girl who is now an exotic dancer. Some of it I get from facebook, some from my mother, and some from all the conversations I used to have with people I went to high school with. But now that I'm living away from all the people I knew back when, that flow of information has been cut off. Or maybe, for the most part, I just don't care anymore.

I still care about some of them, of course. The people who were (and are) important to me in one way or another. But I've gotten to the point where I'm beginning to forget names and faces. My friend had a crush on a guy for a couple of years, and I can see his eyes and his hair, but I can't remember his name for the life of me. I can, however, remember the name of the girl he was dating (though not her face... I think she was a redhead?).

My mother used to say, "The world is so much bigger than [Town] High School." That statement was, of course, obvious, but I don't think you really come to grips with it until you're away from everyone you knew there. Every community I've been a part of in my life, with the exception of my immediate family, I am currently separated from. The last time I saw someone I went to college with was October. I don't remember the last time I saw Phil, who was my best friend through some of my hardest times in high school. I haven't seen my dear friend Greg since the week before we graduated college back in May of 2006.

I've passed through so many networks and stations in my life. Not just your standard "High School" (Heidi, Ian, Kate, Katie, Lauren, Monica, Sara) and "College" (Renee, Deet, Rachel, Christina, Lauren). I had "Chicago" (John, Cleric). I had "Rome". I had "Chicago Workplace". I had "Summer Shakespeare", "Tony 'n' Tina's Wedding", and countless other casts and crews for the plays and musicals I've been a part of. I've had "NaNoWriMo"(Ricky, Jim, Michael, Valerie, Amanda). I've had "Shakespeare Classes" (Aileen). I've even had "Karaoke" cliques, in a couple of different places. I've had the "Broadway Message Board" (Chris, Christine, Papa) and the "Baby Name Message Board". And then I have the one group that I'm never fully away from because I was rarely with them: the bloggers (Barry, Nico, Chele, Andari, Tipp, Carrie Lea, and so many others it would be insane to list them all).

(And believe me when I say I miss being in Chicago that had 20sb meet-ups on a regular basis. It is SAD to not have people like Jenn, Rachel, Jessi, Joy, Pete, Jessi, K, Cheryl, Kayleigh, Jamie, Angie etc. in your life once you've gotten to know them.)

The network that has mattered most to me has been "Grad School". And I don't even really mean that in a social way.

But now I'm in Connecticut, and even that network is gone. Let me tell you who I know here: my mother, my father, my two younger brothers, my brother's girlfriend, and a large percentage of my parents' neighbors (because apparently in Connecticut everyone is friends with their neighbors). Through the wonders of facebook, I've discovered that two people I know from high school are in this state, as is a gal I knew years ago from that Broadway Message Board (I've known her online since 2004, but we've never met in real life).

But instead of building a new network here, like I've so comfortably done wherever else I've been in my life, all I want to do is reach out to the ones I've had before. So maybe I will go through my contacts list. Maybe I will finally get a chance to talk to all the people that I wonder about. Maybe soon.



Make new friends, but keep the old.
One is silver and the other gold.

~A~