Tipping the Scale

(Me and my classmate Iceman performing at Drunken Shakespeare last week.)

After much research, I reworked my American résumé into a more British-looking CV. Then I sent it off to a friend of Phil's who is some sort of headhunter for advice on how to make it better. And what she sent me back were basically instructions on how to turn this CV into something that was nearly identical to the résumé that I had initially. (Is that irony? I'm always so afraid of using -- or, really, misusing -- that word... It's a combination of funny and frustrating, I suppose.)

But there are bits of progress on this road.

- I had a job interview that would give me a three-month, part-time internship. It seemed to go well. It's exactly the sort of thing that I'm qualified for, thanks to my years in Chicago doing database work at a desk. *fingers crossed*

- A really, really awesome internship position opened up at an acting agency. I wouldn't be acting, of course, but I've heard it's a good idea for actors to intern at agencies, to try to learn the ins and outs of a different side of the business. There are only two spots, and I'm guessing it's going to be super competitive... But if I got it, it would be perfection.

- Mom seems to have gotten some positive news regarding the Italian citizenship whatnot. We're still a long ways off from anything actually happening, but this is a start.


So maybe I'm getting closer.

Long distance relationships are, as one might imagine, fraught with difficulties. They are a breeding ground for anxiety. They eat large chunks of time out of your day, during which you sit around waiting and waiting for a Skype call that could come at any time within a vague three-hour span. They force you to sacrifice attending social events with real live people whom you could actually touch if you so chose. They plant seeds of doubt in your mind, making you question over and over again whether this complicated relationship -- and all of the turmoil, work, stress, loneliness, and heartache it brings you -- is worth it. And if you're doing it right, you have to believe with every part of your being that it is.

Each passing day brings with it the painful knowledge of a longer separation, making it harder to recall what the other person smells like, or how it feels when they touch your face. But the passing days also bring with them the knowledge that you are one day closer to being reunited (which doesn't provide a great deal of comfort, truth be told, but you have to gather strength wherever and whenever you can).

I don't know why I've had so many long distance relationships in my life. Just unlucky, I guess. Or maybe so foolhardy that I think it's best to date whomever I want to date, regardless of how separated our present locales may be. Of course, in the past, there has always come a day when the cons of the relationship have outweighed the pros.

I won't lie: the con side of the scale is very heavy at the moment.

(*whiny teen moment* This is really, really hard, you guys.)

But it doesn't matter. I can't imagine not being with him. So those cons, as heavy as they may be, are irrelevant. They are given circumstances, and I accept them.

I will find a way to get to London. I will tip the scale, emptying the con tray in one motion. I will.


May you know how to tip the scale in your own favor.

~A~