A Comfortable Return

Dear Friend,
(for if you are still bothering to read this intimate rambling after my long absence, I most certainly most do the kindness of calling you a friend, rather than assuming you are an internet stranger)

I'm living in Connecticut right now, but I am in NYC all the time (I was there 5 days this week).

I'm visiting Chicago: July 25-28.

I'm visiting Michigan: August 24-26.

I'm moving to L.A. at the beginning of September. My boyfriend Phil is moving there, too.

If you are in any of these locales, you should probably contact me. Because I like seeing/meeting people.



Yes, that's right. My boyfriend and I, after over two years of dating (but I'm sure it seems like time has flown for those of you who casually subscribe to this blog on aggregators and have assumed I'm never posting again since I haven't posted in nearly a year), are going to finally end up being in the same country. And the same city, no less. We're giving LA a 90-day trial period (as that's the length of time he's allowed to be in this country without the work visa that he has not-quite-yet managed to obtain).

I'm a very big fan of my boyfriend, by the way. He's sensational. And despite our present distance (reminder: he's still living in Original England while I'm in New England), I'm not sure what I'd do without him in my life.

(Sorry. That was annoyingly saccharine.)

You're probably wondering what I've been up to (which is only a fair assumption on my part if there are indeed people reading this, and I really should have every reason to believe that no one is... after all, Google Reader kind of sucks now that it has ceased to be a means of social interaction, and is now not much better than reading an oddly eclectic online newspaper). So here goes.


I have:
- gotten an agent
- been in two national commercials/infomercials, one beer commercial, and also a weird Japanese commercial (in which I have no idea what the product was, because everyone was speaking to me in broken English)
- had small roles on two television shows (but in both, my lines were cut)
- been cast on the very bottom floor of two different television pilots (neither of which has shown any evidence of climbing higher)
- had a role in a web series
- been in a student film
- been in two shows in NYC (and am doing a 24-hour play festival next weekend, which should be fun)
- gotten on IMDb (and subsequently crossed that off of the bucket list I made when I was a senior in high school)
- chopped off my hair for a role (which I have always wanted to do)

- worked as a photo-double (think stunt-double minus the stunts) on tv shows (I was Tiffani Theissen's hands/shoulders/hair on a couple episodes of "White Collar". I also did a few guest characters' hands/arms/feet/shoulders on "Person of Interest". Why do they use photo-doubles? Because it's a lot cheaper to use me for a day than to call in Tiffani Theissen.)
- worked as a stand-in (I stand/walk/sit where the leads are going to in a scene so that the crew can set up the lights and camera, and then the lead can just come in and film the scene. I've done this on Blue Bloods, Gossip Girl, Pan Am, and Masters of Sex)
- been an extra (or as some snobby extras prefer to be known, "background actor") on The Bitter Pill Blue Bloods, Broken City, The Carrie Diaries, The Good Wife, Gossip Girl, Law & Order: SVU, Louie, Masters of Sex, My Man Is a Loser, The Newsroom, Pan Am, Person of Interest, The Revolution, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, Smash, Unforgettable, Untitled Ali Leroi Pilot (Lil P-Nut), and Untitled James Gray Project (Lowlife).

- embarrassed myself in front of an inexcusable number of celebrities (chronologically: Margot Robbie, Karine Vanasse, Mike Vogel, Michael Maronna, Jeff Whitty, Natalie Venetia Belcon, Lizzy Caplan, Joanna Gleason, Adam Scott, Michelle Trachtenberg, and potentially Leighton Meester)
- found out that Michael Sheen learned my name (and I didn't even embarrass myself in front of him)


- worked as a barista
- worked retail (in three stores)
- worked doing inventory
- worked doing liquidation
- worked doing database processing
- worked doing internet research
- worked as a writer (online and in print)
- worked as a stage manager
- worked as a PA (production assistant) for a commercial shoot

- been a reader at auditions
- auditioned, although not as much as I would've liked... 35 total, and my last one was in April. (But out of those 35, I got callbacks for 9, and was cast in 6, so I've been doing super, super well.)
- been to the theatre 17 times as an audience member

- gone to London
- gone to Los Angeles
- had Phil come visit twice for extended periods of time



Ahhh. An unnecessarily verbose post full of lists and parenthetical blurbs. I'm sure you're all glad I'm back.

Here's the thing: that list simultaneously looks long, and looks inconsequential to me. I wish I could say I've done more; I haven't.

I have been told by a few people that they are impressed by how much I've managed to do creatively in such a relatively short time in New York (and they are generally more impressed when they realize that I don't actually live in New York, and have to commit 3+ hours and $30 to travel each day that I make the sojourn to the city), but somehow I still don't feel like I've accomplished much.

I try to promote myself through social media, and highlight my accomplishments over my set-backs. I don't mention that I work 4 hours a week at a retail job and 5 doing data/research just to be able to pay my health insurance bill and student loans while living rent-free at my parent's house (which I am entirely too old to be doing) without a car or any sense of autonomy. I don't mention that I don't have a single friend to hang out with in the entire state of Connecticut, and that my only human contact comes in the form of my parents, their social circle, and the boyfriend who seemingly only exists on Skype. I try to give the illusion that everything is going well, all the time, which, of course, it couldn't possibly be; life doesn't work like that.

I do my best to stay positive. Lucky for me -- the girl who once earned the nickname "Sunshine" at a droll, soul-sucking desk job in Chicago -- I'm fairly good at looking on the bright side of life. And my brothers bought me a sun-lamp for Christmas to try to combat my moody winter period (aka undiagnosed Seasonal Affected Disorder). So there's that. In general, I like my life. :)

(And now I've added an emoticon, so you know it's all truth. Also, apparently I've regressed to the story-telling sensibilities of a teenager, so that's fun.)

My closet is still exploding with more clothing than any non-celebrity has a reason to own. There are still things strewn carelessly about on my floor. I'm a nester; I honestly feel so much more relaxed an at home in a messy room than I could ever feel in hospital-orderly pin-neat perfection.

I'm the same girl who used to write to you, long letters that you skimmed and scanned, wondering if there was a point, and then discovering that no, there would never really be one -- but somehow continuing to read. (Oh, you glorious masochist, you.)

I've started working out, but I find it difficult to stick with it for more than about 4 days at a time. Also, I really love ice cream and cheeseburgers, so I'm about 99% sure that negates any progress that I might make in getting a Hollywood-ready body. Because let's be honest: I'm skinny for a normal girl, but actresses are not judged by normal standards. Unless you look like a skeleton with skin (*cough* Keira Knightley), it's tough to get work in television/film.

Kale is actually really good, so I've begun eating that. Also, you know those people that insist blending frozen bananas is just as good as ice cream? They're not wrong (provided that you like banana-flavored ice cream).

I still have weird pains and health issues. I might be having surgery next month, but it's still all up in the air.

(Right. Um. Where did I go just now?)

Thanks for being there. Thanks for being out in the internet ether, silently reading this and making me feel a bit less alone. Thank you for making this blog space be a comfortable place to snuggle up today (even though Blogger has entirely changed the format since I was last here: WTH?).


May you be able to go back to comfortable places, even after being gone entirely too long.

~A~