The Name on the Call Sheet

All day, I've been thinking that I should come home and blog to vent my frustrations of a very weird and upsetting week*. But instead of having to trudge through that muck, I'm going to save you by telling you an extremely lame, totally uneventful tale from my day, which got me smiling and gave me a bit of my spark back.

A former child-star actor** had a small role on the TV show I work on today.

And I may or may not have at one point in my youth totally had a crush on this child actor. And, lucky for me, he grew up totally hot. So when I saw his name on the call sheet yesterday (and, mind you, 98% of people would not recognize his name), I got kind of geeked (actually, I get geeked by a lot of the people we've had on the show... pretty much any time I see a name on the call sheet and know who the person is without looking them up I get geeked, so maybe I'm just more of a Hollywood newbie than I would like to admit).

Yeah. Not proud of anything that I've just written, looking back on it. But whatever. Moving on.

Totally made the mistake of telling one of the other stand-ins that I knew who this guy was, and that he was coming, and that he grew up hot. And also putting on makeup halfway through the day, right before this actor was going to get to set (not because I was entertaining any sort of delusion that this arguably famous person was going to get one look at me and fall madly in love and carry me into the sunset; more because, you know, I'm vain, and I hated the idea of this guy thinking I was a mess, which is basically what I am right now. So it was less Molly Ringwald-style wishful makeup-ing, and more Doug-era beautify-ing Bluffington). The other stand-in noticed this, and then kept egging me on to go talk to this actor while he was on set.

Here's the thing about being a stand-in: you don't always actually get to talk to the actors. It really depends on the situation. Sometimes we talk.  Yesterday I got break-up advice from an actress (who was in "Mean Girls") who told me that I'm probably co-dependent like she is. And another actor made me download some weird dating app called Tinder (the only redeeming quality of which is that it feels somewhat empowering to reject 100 men in a row based only on their age, terrible photo, or fact that you have no "shared interests" showing on your respective facebook profiles). Recently I told an actor who was briefly on The Office that his character was referenced again this season, and explained the whole plot of an episode. But this is not really what I do every day. Most days, my job is very jobby. Just like when I was working in a Chicago skyscraper cubicle, while I talk to the people in my department every day, I don't always have time to get into conversations with people in other departments (like the actors, or as they are referred to on set, "first team"; the stand-ins are called "second team"), even though we smile and say hello as we pass each other in the hallway.

Sometimes, actors really WANT to have relationships with their stand-ins. (Michael Emerson is totally kind to his stand-in on "Person of Interest", for example, and bought him a well-thought-out Christmas present last year with a card addressed "to my friend and colleague", which totally made his stand-in's whole year. And I'm pretty sure Tina Fey and Tom Cruise are real-life friends with their stand-ins.) And sometimes, they don't. Some actors, in fact, don't want relationships with ANYONE on the crew, and ask their hair and make-up team not to talk to them while making them gorgeous. Usually, you get an idea of how personable the actor is going to be pretty soon after you meet them, but not always.

Right. So. I don't generally just go up to any actor who stops by our show and just start talking to them. You kind of have to feel out the situation first, or else you end up watching Michelle Trachtenberg tell Leighton Meister that she thinks you've been stalking her since 1994, but that's a story for another time...

So then he showed up. And is totally attractive (in a John Krasinski way). And he was clean-cut and  dressed all 1950's-esque. And it totally distracted me from the week of pain, despair, and peer-pressured drunkenness that I've just been through.

Then the other stand-in (who I think is trying to help my through the trauma of my extremely recent break-up) said that she wanted to set us up, "just like Amelie" (although I saw this movie, it was long enough ago that her qualifying description means absolutely nothing to me, so feel free to explain in the comments). I begged her not to do so. And then I casually said, "for all I know, he's gay." (Although really, really hoping he's not, because it's so much harder to crush on celebrities -- quasi or otherwise -- once you know that they're not even willing to entertain the idea of dating your gender, let alone someone as lame as you probably are in their eyes.) She seemed to give up on the idea of introducing us. Or of me pursuing him (did she really think that was going to happen?). And I was pleased.

Later, while I was on set, waiting to stand-in (usually, the actress I cover hops away from set whenever they aren't rolling, but today she had gotten into a conversation with two other actors, so I stood off to the side joking to some of the idle crew members, waiting to see if I were actually required), the actor started speaking to me. And then we had a delightful little conversation. We started off talking about some of the oddities of the '50s, and by the end were improvising back-story about his character. And it was good fun.

I didn't make a fool out of myself by telling him that I knew exactly who he was or that I totally have the title track from the Lohan TV-movie he was in on my iTunes. It was just nice. (Don't get too excited: the entire conversation spanned three minutes at most and we never introduced ourselves by name.)

[Now, the next episode is going to be directed by the woman who directed "Now & Then", so no promises that I won't make an ass out of myself in front of a debatably-famous person before the month is through, but I still think progress has been made.]

I don't actually know if this actor is going to be back or not. It seems plausible that his character could recur, but he only had one line in the episode we are currently shooting, so if he does come back, it won't be for a couple of weeks. But from that three minute conversation I had with him, he actually seems pretty delightful. I'd actually really like to talk to him more if he comes back. And maybe flirt a little (with a couple more weeks of singledom under my belt, I might actually be ready to do so). I very much hope he returns, as I would like that very much.

Look, I'm not a star-chaser. I'm not. (If I were, I would have been fawning over the very talented former American Idol contestant*** whom I hung out with over the weekend, as he gave me more than one unusually long bear hug, as though he'd known me for years.) That's really not what this post is about. (Besides, it's not exactly like he's Matt Damon or something. I think I'm the only person on set who even knew who he was.)

Over the last week, I've had a crazy amount of men hit on me (I've been to three bars in the last week. I don't know if I've ever been to three different bars in one week before, ever). And I haven't been in a place where I could enjoy or appreciate that. I've been in a place of "you're not Phil." (And then drunkenly petting the furniture, because my strongest sense is touch, and my love of exploring the tactile is apparently emphasized by not being sober, as I no longer have a sense that divining glee from exploring surfaces with my fingers is in any way culturally inappropriate). I even had a guy wait two hours until I got off work and then physically come over to my house, and then I very bluntly said, "it's obvious that you find me intriguing and are here to explore whether you want something romantic with me, but that's just not going to happen. Also, you're not allowed to sit on my bed, because that feels too intimate, so I will sit on the bed while you sit in the [very uncomfortable wooden] chair." (And then I proceeded to talk at him about my break-up for three hours. But I sent him home with 6 bottles of the Stella that was taking up room because I had it for Phil... so while I am emotionally unavailable and mentally unstable, I'm not a complete b****.)

And it was nice today to be able to talk to a male and not have that feeling. Him being cute was a bonus. And I would've enjoyed it very much even if he hadn't been a name I recognized on the call sheet. (Although that does make it a more entertaining story.)

May you be pleasantly surprised by cheerful distractions,

~A~

*(If you missed my last post, I've been dumped by my boyfriend of nearly three years. I'm actually handling it better than I thought I would, which is to say that I haven't broken down in tears at work yet, which I totally did multiple times in the wake of being dumped by Brian.)

**(Yeah, I know you're curious. But I didn't want to say who it is at the top of the post, because then it just feels like name-dropping. Also, I don't want to write his name in case he has a google alert on for himself and then ends up on the show again and I have to go through a mortifying event because of that... but I don't think he can possibly have a google alert on for the word "Alfalfa", so that's your massive clue. Also, he was in a movie titled "Get a Clue", and I doubt he has a google alert on for that because it's not something that anyone would expect to be mentioned online again. So if you still don't know who this is, just take those clues to google... and you probably still won't know who it is. But I do, and that's really all that matters to the story, right?)

***(Bearded guy who played jazz on a string bass. If you watched the 10th season, there's no way you don't know who this is.)