How I Accidentally Became Famous

Once upon a time, I started a blog about going to grad school to get my MFA in Acting.

I did it because I thought it would be fun. And because I thought it would be a good way to track my progress. And because an actress friend of mine in Chicago begged me to write her and tell her everything I was learning, and I thought blogging would be easier.

I wrote from a very detached perspective originally, mostly just spitting out what I'd learned and what my homework assignments were. But eventually I got a little more free about things, and started talking more about my personal journey. I put up entertaining quotations from my professors and classmates. I thought it was fun.

I told my classmates about it, and asked their permission to blog. I told them I wouldn't use their real names, and I wouldn't write the name of the school anywhere. That way, they wouldn't be Google-able. I sent them the web address, and told them that if there was ever anything that they didn't want me to write about, or anything they wanted me to remove, that I would respect their wishes.

At first, the only people reading it were a few of my biggest supporters (like Heidi and my mother).

In September, not long after the school year started, my classmate Killer told me that he had started reading my blog, and he loved it. He said that he didn't go to bed at night without reading it, as my blog posts helped him mentally organize his days. That's when I decided that I really needed to continue the blog; it wasn't completely vain (or in vain).

Slowly, a few other classmates started reading it. And then a couple of people from other classes. And then some of my classmates gave my blog out to their family members and friends back home. People who had made similar requests of them as my Chicago actress friend had made of me, but that they hadn't thought they'd be able to follow through on. And a few of my classmates started reading it on a regular basis.

My classmates and I discussed how it was probably best to keep it a secret amongst ourselves. No good could come from our professors finding out. The administration would probably tell me to stop and delete it, or threaten me with probation (or, worse, some sort of libel and defamation law suit).

Then, I started getting Googlers... People who were searching for information about graduate school auditions. People who wanted to know what grad school was like. People who wanted acting advice. Even one chick who was writing a novel and tried to do some fact-checking with me about the auditioning process. And I answered every single inquiry with the same thorough, long-winded fashion that my friends (and readers) have come to expect from me.

Suddenly, I had a nice little loyal following. Some classmates, some friends of classmates, some of my friends who read this personal blog of mine as well, and some random fans from the blogosphere... It was nice. And I was foolish enough to believe that's as big as it was ever going to get.

But then, others started finding out. One of my donors emailed me that she'd found it while Googling undergrad auditions for the sake of her nephew. She loved it. A woman in administration had Googled a play that the 2nd-years were doing to see what it was about, and that's how she stumbled upon my blog. She loved it, too. Eventually, my blog started getting referenced by other theatre bloggers.

Then it mysteriously got ranked on one of those meaningless-but-still-flattering lists of "best blogs"... This one? 100 Best Blogs for Film and Theater Students. It's sort of #48... but really, it's in the top 12 for blogs in the "Acting and Auditioning" sub-genre. This blog was no longer my little hobby: this blog was now a reference for other actors. That was my first ever taste of responsibility as a blogger. But it was still pretty mild.

It wasn't until one fateful day in February that I knew things were hitting the fan...

I got a polite and charming e-mail from someone who wanted to go to graduate school for acting, asking lots of questions. Pretty standard at this point, right? WRONG.

"I was told by Mr. [Analysis Professor/Head of Program] and Ms. [Chair of Acting] to check out your blog. We met at the U/RTA auditions this weekend in Vegas. Your blog is quite nice. I am sure a lot of people appreciate it."

Suddenly my face was an Edvard Munch painting, and my brain activity was silenced by a Wilhelm scream. My professors knew about my blog. HOW DID THEY KNOW ABOUT MY BLOG?!?! And how LONG had they known about my blog?!?!

A few minutes later, I remembered to start breathing again. And then I realized, "Wait a tic; they LIKE my blog. They're handing it out to prospective students..." I think I literally sighed with relief. But then I hit my next moment of dread: "Oh no. They just gave me an insane amount of responsibility. I am now the voice of this program."

I answered all the prospective student's questions as thoroughly, politely, and quickly as I could. And then I tried to put it out of my mind.

The next morning I got to school, and was approached by Killer and All-the-Way. They told me about an e-mail that their donors had gotten from the head of my program (aka Analysis Professor).

The short version:
A friend of mine from undergrad (shout out to my wife! -- although I'm not sure that she reads this blog...) had scheduled an audition for my program. She had a conversation with my Analysis Professor that went something like this:

ANALYSIS PROFESSOR: So, how much do you know about this program?
FRIEND: Oh, I know a lot. I read the blog.
ANALYSIS PROFESSOR: We don't have a blog.
FRIEND: Sure you do. Angela Learns to Act.
ANALYSIS PROFESSOR: Angela... learns... WHAT?!
FRIEND: Oh, yeah. I read it every day.
ANALYSIS PROFESSOR: She writes EVERY DAY?
FRIEND: Yup. You don't know about this? She has lots of readers. It's even won awards.

So, of course, he promptly freaked out, paid for the internet in his hotel room, and Googled "Angela Learns to Act". He then spent the majority of that sleepless night on his laptop reading all of my back posts. He had to see how much damage control this was going to require.

He realized around 3am that my blog was harmless. In fact, it was pretty complimentary about the program. And, most importantly, it didn't call him out by name. This blog wasn't something to be feared at all; this blog was something that he could use to his advantage.

Analysis Professor then sent an email with the entire story above to the whole Board of the theatre (which is, of course, comprised of the most influential donors). Which is how Killer and All-The-Way found out about it (their donors are on the Board and told them). The e-mail apparently detailed Analysis Professor's state of mind through the entire evening, and then went on to say that he now realized how this was proof that the the program was training us well, and that the students were excited about what they were learning. This blog had somehow shown him (and should show the donors) just how valid an endeavor it was to train the actors in this sensational program in conjunction with this remarkable theatre.

And that's when the utilization, capitalization, and exploitation began.

Okay, okay. I'm exaggerating.

But that's when he started giving my blog out to prospective students as a resource.

I started getting emails. At the ends of emails I made the mistake of offering my phone number (because I felt that since I'd done it for one person, I should do it for all of them). I became the primary ambassador and liaison from my program to all of our potential newcomers. And then when they came to visit, they kept requesting me as a student guide (I actually took on 3 of them in a 2 day period at one point, while 9 of my classmates had no one). And when I wasn't their guide, some of them (like the first guy who emailed me) sought me out to answer their questions anyway. They were familiar with me, they felt like they knew me, they trusted me, and they knew that I would answer every question in a thorough manner. (Two of my classmates seemed offended when students they were guiding chose to ask questions of me over them.)

Analysis Professor was gone for another week recruiting. When he came back, the first words he said to me (well, yelled at me, technically) were, "'Angela Learns to Act'? You've got to be kidding me!" He glared, and was clearly trying to scare me. I defended my blog (knowing full well, of course, that he was feigning his anger... but keeping that hand close to my chest).

ME: I've never used your name! I use aliases!
ANALYSIS PROFESSOR: Thank God for that, or I would've slapped you with a law suit so fast. But do you REALLY think people don't know who 'Analysis Professor' is? Not exactly a thick alias.
ME: But I've never even mentioned the name of the school. People can't google it.
ANALYSIS PROFESSOR: Oh, people know what school it is.
ME: Not necessarily...
ANALYSIS PROFESSOR: Well, they know now. (slightly evil grin) They know because we've told them.

He then went on to admit that he thought my blog was great.

I started getting hits from the town I'm in. Board members who had googled the title of the blog.

I ran into CCM, and he said that at the most recent board meeting, 2/3 of the meeting was just people talking about my blog.

I got friended on Facebook by a board member who asked for a link, saying that Analysis Professor and Artistic Director of the theatre (aka the two men who have the next 2 years of my creative destiny in their hands) were raving about it.

When I was working box office shifts, occasionally people would stare at me a little, as though they recognized me but they couldn't figure out why. And then one day, a board member tapped on the window and said, "Hey Angela! I love your blog." My blog leapt from 19 feed subscribers to 50 in about 3 weeks.

I passed the Artistic Director of the theatre when I was on my way to a Student Representatives meeting with Analysis Professor, when he turned and called to me.

ARTISTIC DIRECTOR: Hey! You're the one with the blog!
ME: Yeah, that's me.
ARTISTIC DIRECTOR: Am I on it?
ME: Yes. A little.
ARTISTIC DIRECTOR: What's my code name?
ME: "Artistic Director."
ARTISTIC DIRECTOR: Is that all? I was hoping for something more exciting.
ANALYSIS PROFESSOR: (leans out of Student Rep meeting room) Angela, get in here. [Artistic Director], you can have her when she's a third-year. Right now, she's mine.

I went up to an Equity actor I'd never met (he's an older guy and only does one show a season now, but he's been with the theatre for 20 years and the city loves him) at a Closing Night party.

ME: I just wanted to tell you how much I loved your work in [play]. It was a marvelous production.
ACTOR: Thank you. Are you an actor?
ME: I am. I'm a 1st-year at the Conservatory.
ACTOR: ... What's your name?
ME: I'm Angela. I'm pleased to meet you.
ACTOR: Angela... Angela [Last-Name].
ME: Yes. Wow. How did you know that?
ACTOR: I've heard it around. Nice to meet you, Angela.

I don't think we've had a single Analysis class since then when my Analysis Professor hasn't mentioned it. Some of my professors have gotten careful of what they say around me, for fear that I'll put something on the internet that might reflect poorly on them out of context (like the time I quoted Analysis Professor saying that Shakespeare was referring to Vagina Dentata in Titus Andronicus). More than once I've been asked to put down my pen during my note-taking, or told, "Angela, if this ends up on the internet...". And on one occasion, a professor actually told me that I SHOULD write something down to put on my blog. My Movement Professor has vowed never to read it because she thinks it'll make her too self-conscious. My Voice Professor says that she doesn't read it, but that Analysis Professor gives her updates on it anyway.

I think my classmates have started getting annoyed. Everyone knows about it, everyone talks about it, and everyone has an opinion on it. And suddenly I'm something that you don't want to be when you're part of an ensemble: singled out. I'm seriously worried that they're going to resent me for it.

My roommate went to a brunch for 3rd-years and donors. She sat next to an older woman there, and they had the following conversation.

WOMAN: Do you read 'Angela Learns to Act'?
ROOMMATE: Is that... Is that Angela's blog?
WOMAN: Do you know Angela?!
ROOMMATE: Yes. Actually, I live with her.
WOMAN: (starstruck) You live with Angela?
ROOMMATE: Yes.
WOMAN: And do you read her blog?
ROOMMATE: No... I sort of live her blog. She comes home and tells me everything she's done at school. I don't need to read it.
WOMAN: (impressed) So you get a special preview!

Roommate said that one of the board members picked up a microphone and told all the donors that they should read the blog, and then it was the primary topic of conversation for the remainder of the brunch.

Later that day (this was during my 17 Date weekend with The Filmmaker), I got a phone call from a very influential board member (he's an NBA team owner, if that tells you anything).

BOARD MEMBER: Hello, Angela. This is [Board Member].
ME: Um, hello Mr. [Board Member].
(INNER MONOLOGUE: How did he get my cell phone number???)
BOARD MEMBER: I'm the one who tapped on the box office window and said I loved your blog.
ME: Oh, I know who you are, Mr. [Board Member].
BOARD MEMBER: I just got back from the 3rd-Year/Donor Brunch. And I have to say, your name came up. Your name, and your blog.
ME: Oh?
BOARD MEMBER: Oh, yes. All good things. We just love it.
ME: I'm glad.
BOARD MEMBER: You know, Angela, all the people on the board, well, we're too old to really know how to reach young people. We don't really know what to do with the internet. Heck, the president of the board doesn't even have an e-mail address. And we just love what you're doing. We think it's going to speak to young people here and everywhere, and get people interested in the [theatre].
ME: That's great.
BOARD MEMBER: I was just calling to ask you if you'd mind me giving your blog to [newspaper], [newspaper], and [newspaper]. We'd like to have them interview you about your blog, and maybe drum up some local publicity for the theatre.
ME: That would be fine with me.
BOARD MEMBER: Great. Thanks, Angela. Just keep doing what you're doing.

I haven't gotten contacted by any local newspapers. Yet. Who knows if I will... In my mind, this blog is not that big of a story. It's just a blog.

This past weekend, I worked at a development event for the theatre. Because of a strange twist of events (involving one of my classmates having to perform an understudy role), I ended up being the only person from my class there. And I was the only person on the beach dressed as a colonial townswoman. I was surrounded by donors, board members, people I've never met who work for the repertory theatre, and large quantities of expensive food.

(Horrible, distorted camera-phone self-portrait of me in costume. 03/14/09)

At least 3 different times, a person I'd never met before took me by the hand and began introducing me as, "Angela, whom we're so very proud of... Have you read her blog?" The people I introduced myself to without that precarious introduction often came back 10 minutes later saying, "Wait, did you say your name was Angela? Are you the one with the blog? I just put that together now!"

People started saying things about my blog that I knew were absolutely untrue, but I didn't know whether to correct them or not...

- "You know, every actor in New York reads it." (Excuse me, WHAT?)

- "I've heard you've gotten over 8 million hits!" (I have no idea where they got that... There's no visible stat-counter on there. I checked my private stats page when I got home, and it's more like 11,000)

- "People from all over the world know about this theatre now because of her. This theatre is on the international MAP now! People read it in London, Paris, Melbourne..." (The president of the board, whom I'd never met before that day, said this. I'd like him to find me ONE person in Melbourne who has read my blog and knows what theatre I'm talking about... again, I've never mentioned the name of the theatre or the school on my blog)

- "[Analysis Professor] said that with all the money that your program spends on advertising in theatre magazines and things nationally, it's funny that the way all the students know about the program is from your blog!" (As far as I know, only ONE student mentioned the blog to my Analysis Professor... I happen to personally know that at least 4 other people set up private auditions to the school as a result of my blog, but he doesn't know that.)

My favorite comment came from someone who works in the Development department for the theatre: "You know, they should really pay you for that..." Of course, where they'd find money for that is anybody's guess. My theatre is lucky, and is doing surprisingly well in this economy as far as theatres go (it seems like another theatre closes every week), but paying a student to blog when she was doing it for free anyway? That's what we'd call an unnecessary expense.

At one point as I was walking around the event, the Artistic Director of the theatre (whom, I remind you, has is in control of my casting in my 3rd-year when I'll be performing with the Equity company) stopped and looked at my costume for a second. He complimented it. As he walked away, he called over his shoulder, "So, have you learned to act yet?" I wish I'd had a witty response, like, "One never stops learning," or, "It's a process." Instead, I said a confused and exasperated, "What?!". He smiled, laughed, and continued on his way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, so maybe the title of this post is an exaggeration. Maybe I'm not actually famous. Maybe I don't have a website that gets millions of hits from Melbourne and Paris. Maybe I haven't put my theatre on an international map. No one has asked me for an interview. No one has asked me for an autograph.

I've had a few handshakes, photographs, and general recognitions. And it's something to adjust to. It's something I didn't expect. It's something I didn't ask for.

But in this town... in this program... in this theatre... in this INDUSTRY...

A little notoriety is a very good thing.

So why do I feel so weird about it?

I love my school. I love the theatre. And, frankly, I am a huge supporter and cheerleader for my program. But feeling like I HAVE to be that person is less than appealing.

I love blogging about my journey as an actor. I've been doing it (on a nearly daily basis) for months. But now it feels like an obligation instead of a hobby.

I hate feeling like I have this unpaid side job as a PR rep, and that I'm expected to do things on top of my regular work load that no one else is. And while I know the head of my program would disagree and say that my responsibilities as a student come first, I know that people would be disappointed if I stopped. And I'd feel horrible for disappointing them.

Maybe I was naïve for thinking I could keep it a secret. I did bring this all upon myself. And I won't lie; there is some part of me that likes the attention. I like feeling like I'm making a difference. I like being a resource to other actors and students. I like the positive reactions I've gotten. I like feeling like I'm doing something important.

I just wish that I could get as much notice for my acting as I do for my writing habit.


May fame not be as important to you as what you're famous for.

~A~


P.S. This blog has sort of been a casualty in this war. My less-regular-than-usual posting is probably because blogging seems less like escapism and more like a job now. So forgive me for doing a post every couple of weeks instead of a couple of posts every week.

P.P.S. That first guy who e-mailed me? He was interested in 2 other schools as well. He got an offer from my program on the first day of the offers period. He emailed me literally 13 times with lists of questions, which I responded to thoroughly. He came to visit, and D-Train hosted him, but he spent more time talking with me. He ended up accepting his offer and will be a student here in the fall. I can't help but feel a little bit of pride about that.