To My Secret-Keepers

(Me and my classmate Wifey. Yes, I'm tan, thanks for noticing. 04/14/10)

I am an excellent secret-keeper.

I am also an excellent source of information (including that of a restricted nature).

As a result, most people don't know about (or perhaps would not be inclined to believe in) my secret-keeping prowess. But I promise it's true.

I am still holding on to some major secrets that people have told me in the past. I've held one of them for 13 years, and I've never told anyone (and it is still pertinent information today). And I've discovered secrets that I really shouldn't know about that I've kept without being asked to. This includes at least one secret that affects me deeply, and that I am pained by the weight of, to the point that I occasionally hide it from myself.

But honestly? I hate keeping secrets. Especially my own.

So to the dedicated handful of followers who read this blog, even when I have long absences from it, I will now deign you my secret keepers. You have played that role for me already, as you know. And have read some blog posts that have since gone back to the mysterious land of "drafts", where I hope most people will never see them.

Today, I have two secrets for you. Keep them for me.


The first secret...

Remember a now-deleted theoretical post about what someone might do if they were put into a potentially abusive situation with a classmate or coworker?

Well, I took an action. An action I wasn't planning to take. A rather mild one, actually.

I haven't seen and repercussions of it yet. But I'm terrified of them.

And I already regret ever having said or done anything at all.

In this particular case, I just don't think it was worth the risk.

Especially since things are calm at the moment... and I may have just aggravated the waters.




The second secret...

Remember how I was asked to audition for a pre-Broadway run of a musical?

They've asked me to audition again.

And they've asked me not to tell anyone.

Normally, the theatre asking me to hide something from my classmates is something that I would falsely agree to, but then promptly disobey. After all, I hate keeping secrets. And I see no reason to keep theatre secrets from my class (whom I firmly believe should know what's going on at all times if they wish to).

And since my classmates will know my casting in 8 days anyway, it seems silly not to tell them about an audition I have in 6 days...

But I'm not going to tell them.

First of all, I don't want them to be jealous.

Second, I don't want them to beat themselves up for the next 8 days over it.

Third, if I end up not getting into the show, I don't want them to know that I had a second chance and failed.

...

(Yes, I know that the third one is silly, selfish, negative, and vain. But it's in my head.)

Fourth, this secret makes me feel a little bit powerful. The previous times I've had secrets of this nature about casting handed to me by the theatre, a select few held the same information that I did. And it seemed obvious that the information would get around. But right now, I am the only person that knows that I have this audition. Not a single one of my classmates knows. Neither of my roommates knows. The people who know are me, the people in charge of the theatre, my parents, and now you.

I suppose you could say that by putting this on the internet, I'm not keeping the secret very well. And maybe you're right. After all, I know a few people down here that know of this blog's existence. It's possible that my classmate Wifey (or her husband) is reading it right now. Or a certain 3rd-year. But I trust them. And frankly, I'm pretty sure that they don't read this anymore.



Anyway. Those are the things in my life that I don't talk about with people down here. Thank you for being my confidants.


May you be better secret-keepers than I have been today.

~A~