Advice Needed: Wrap Party Date

The tv show I work on wrapped for the season on Thursday. I have been invited to the wrap party, which is this coming Tuesday night.

And yesterday, I was told that I am now being given a "plus 1".

Obviously, I RSVPed to include the plus-1, because why wouldn't I give a friend the gift of free food and drinks and hanging out with industry people?

But the problem becomes choosing a person.

Phil is out, because... well, I couldn't possibly. I had a 2.5 hour long phone conversation with him on Thursday after I wrapped, and he was sobbing for most of it.


So my options are:

1. My friend Matt from Chicago.
Matt has been an incredible friend. When Phil and I came out to LA in the fall, whenever we invited people to anything social, Matt was the guy we could count on to show up every single time. Matt is a broke, non-union actor. He pays his bills with background acting and cater-waiting jobs. Despite that, every time I see him he tries to buy me a drink or a meal (don't worry; I've gotten him back in more than equal amounts). When I had a meltdown after leasing my car, Matt took me out. When Phil dumped me, Matt brought me to a speakeasy. Matt came to see my play and came to karaoke with the cast afterwards, and effusively complimented both me, and the production as a whole (something Phil didn't do). He's had me over to his place and we've hung out and watched "Slings and Arrows" together, in a completely platonic, "I'm sitting on the couch and you're on the chair" kind of way.

Matt also has a huge crush on the actress I stand-in for, and would LOVE to meet her. He's been joking about it all season, and more than once has flat-out asked (joked?) to be my wrap-party date. And I think he's fairly broke, and this is an opportunity to get him some free drinks and food. And get him into an industry event where he's an attendee and not a server.

Matt is probably the obvious pick here. But there are a few cons...

- I think he has a crush on me. Actually, I wouldn't have drawn that conclusion on my own, but my castmates think he's into me. And I don't want to lead him on. He doesn't know about me dating Gus.
- Matt, nice has he is, has said some weird things in social situations before. I think of him as fairly self-sufficient socially (he wouldn't need me as a babysitter), but I'd worry about what he might say to my coworkers.
- I really don't like the idea of my coworkers thinking I'm dating Matt. He's a lovely guy, but yeah, something about it makes me really uncomfortable.
- I'm a little worried that he might geek out around the handful of celebrities that will be there. Probably not...?



2. Gus.
He's great. We've been spending a lot of time together. We've had some very frank conversations about how neither of us is sure where it's going (Do I like Gus, or do I just need someone right now? Does Gus like me, or does he just like that a fairly attractive female is showing an interest in him? Are we just interested in each other because we're in a play together because it's convenient? What happens when the play ends? Is Gus an intermission in my relationship with Phil?). But we've decided (and trust me, this is really out of character for me) to be hedonistic. It's fun right now. We are enjoying each other's company. It feels right. So, here we are.

The other stand-ins want to meet him, because I've been talking about him since Monday, April 8th (6 days after Phil dumped me; 2 days after I became aware of Gus flirting with me; the day Gus first asked me out, although it turned into a decidedly non-date situation), and they've been around to hear about the situation evolving.

Gus has worked with famous people, and he's not going to be an idiot. Last night, most of the cast of my play went out to a bar. I pointed out that Timothy Busfield and his wife Melissa Gilbert had walked in. Gus was all, "That's cool," whereas several of the company members kind of freaked out, and one of them walked up to Timothy Busfield and had a whole, "I love your work, and I think Aaron Sorkin is God," conversation.

And I know he'd be self-sufficient. He took me to a barbecue over the weekend with a bunch of his friends, and we kept separating. He expected that I could hold my own amongst people who have known him since he was 12, so I have to assume that means he could be expected to do the same amongst my coworkers.

And, as a bonus... if there is some glaring issue with Gus that I'm not seeing right now, and he truly is only fit to be a rebound, the other stand-ins will totally be blunt about it and tell me (especially Ryan, who calls me his "set-wife").

Gus has some cons, too. Namely...

- Gus went to high school with one of the actresses on the show. She told me to avoid him like the plague. So for all I know, she might totally hate him, and feel really weird about him being at her wrap party. And I really like her... (But she's also a very tough, blunt chick, so she can handle herself. And Gus texted her over the weekend, slipping in heavy implication that he and I are dating, so I don't think it would come as a total shock to her.)
- And, to a lesser extent... Gus has a strange sense of humor. Not sure everyone there will appreciate it.
- If (when?) Gus and I break up, I think I might feel weird about having taken him to this instead of someone who has been a true friend.


But he also has a big pro in his favor: I'd have the most fun with Gus being there. Not that I wouldn't have fun anyway... But it's a factor.

Also, I'm unemployed now. I don't have a lot of money. I can't spring for date night things (and I'm usually a you-pay-this-time-i-pay-next-time kind of girl). And this is a situation where I can do something nice for him without dropping cash in the process.



3. Julia... Or Linda.
Our show has a core group of background actors. Two of them have become good friends of mine. Background does not get invited to the wrap party, but I KNOW that they would love to come.

Julia is my age, and has done stand-in on the show for a few episodes as well as background. She'd be cool, she'd know people there and wouldn't need to be introduced, and she'd be a great date.

Linda is my parents' age, and has the biggest, kindest heart of anyone you've ever met. She only started acting recently. She's the kind of person you can't imagine anyone ever disliking.

It would be a very kind gesture on my part to invite one of them. And they'd each be a great date. And they would be so thrilled to be there.

But the con there is... I can only take one person. And there are tons of core background on our show who have been lovely to me. These two are my favorites, but it does feel weird to single one of them out.



4. Jennah
There are four main stand-ins on our show: Ryan, me, Jennah, and Erin (written in order of importance of the characters we stand-in for). For some reason, Jennah didn't get an invitation to the wrap party. Just a weird oversight, I'm sure. I told her to talk to production, and I'm sure she'll get in. She could probably just show up. But if not, I might need to take her as my date to get her in. Though, I'd kind of resent her for putting me in that situation, because really, she should just call the production office and get added to the list instead of making me waste my plus-1.





I actually have told Gus that this wrap party is happening, and that I get a plus-1, but told him he's not my automatic date (although he totally wants to go). Haven't decided yet (and haven't told the others about it). I started writing him an email saying what I'd need him to agree to in order to be my potential date, but didn't send it.

So *if* I decide to ask you to the wrap party, this will be your mission (if not asked of you, then to be asked of whomever accompanies me to the event). Review the guidelines and see if you are up to the task.

- Must be self-sufficient, capable of mingling if I'm off talking to other coworkers. (Especially if I need one-on-one talk time with [actress I stand-in for] or [lead actor]. Or if I need a [coworker who makes me uncomfortable] buffer.)

- Must be willing to carry around a camera and take pictures of me with coworkers all night. (Bonus points if willing to take said pictures without being prompted to do so.)

- Must not be a dick to my coworkers (this includes referring to [cast member who knows Gus from high school] as [mean high school nickname] or any derivation thereof).

- Must be willing to be the designated driver, as I fully intend to drink.

- Must be willing to attend any after parties that I decide to attend.

- Must treat me like the amazing wonder that I am for the entire evening.

Part of the reason I didn't send it, is that I'm really not sure it's the best decision. Taking Gus is absolutely what I want to do in this moment, but it seems selfish somehow. Taking Matt or Julia or Linda would be kinder. Gus has industry connections already, which Matt doesn't. Gus and Matt can get into swanky parties like this, which Julia and Linda can't.

So what's the right move? Do I do the selfish thing? Or do I do a kind thing instead?

I'll be honest; if no one responds to this, I'll probably take Gus. But I'm worried that I'll feel guilty about it if I do.

So tell me the truth: what do you think is the best decision? And also, what would you do? (Because I know that those questions might not share an answer.)

All good things,

~A~