Gus wrote a play. And is going to be directing it.
As an excuse for our first non-date, he told me that he thought I'd be good for it.
He asked me to do a reading of it one night, which I turned down, because I had work. In retrospect, totally should have done it. But I didn't want to miss out on a day of work, when I knew I'd have to take off a few for the performances of the play I was in...
And also, part of the reason I didn't do it, being honest, was because I knew Gus was interested in me. And I didn't want to go out of my way to do something for him. Because as studies have shown, the more nice things you do for someone, the more you like them... and I knew I was vulnerable to being interested in him. I was trying so hard not to fall for Gus.
Anyway.
The auditions are this weekend. While I'm out of town. At one point, Gus said we could work it out so that I could audition another time. Maybe before I left. Maybe once I returned.
We never worked that out.
And then we've had a few, "Is this a bad idea?" conversations.
And yes, honestly, it very well could be.
But I want to be in it. A lot.
And the way I left things with him was:
1. I acknowledge this might be a terrible idea.
2. I think I want to do it anyway.
3. I leave it up to you.
(and a bonus, because I'm a controlling yet sensitive freak who felt the need to specify this)
4. If you decide not to cast me, regardless of the actual reason, please tell me it's because you're worried it would be too weird, and not because I'm, like, wrong for the role or something.
Honestly, I shouldn't have said that last part. I'm like 95% sure that would, in fact, be the reason if I'm not cast.
The theatre company sent out a character breakdown to the actors on their mailing list. I got it yesterday in my email when I turned my phone back on after touching down at JFK. And the company put it on Actors Access, which is a big self-submission site for actors. And I'm sure that at this moment, they are being positively inundated with requests from people to audition. Because the play sounds awesome. And because there are SO. MANY. ACTORS. in Los Angeles.
And I just want to be among them.
There are 5-7 female roles (two are non-specified). I'm probably good for two of the roles... maybe three.
Last night, I sent Gus a text message.
ANGELA: [Play] breakdown.
ANGELA: Do you want me to submit? And if so, for whom?
ANGELA: If I didn't know you, and I just saw the breakdown, I'd probably submit for [antagonist].
GUS: Hey! Sorry, out -- let's talk tomorrow :)
So it's tomorrow. It rolled around to noon his time, 3:00pm my time.
And then I noticed...
If you read the part of yesterday's post that was in brackets, I mentioned that there's a dude in the theatre company who is kind of a dick? And I might have screwed up my standing with the company because I told people that he's kind of a dick?
Yeah, that guy put something on facebook about how in a few hours (and this was a few hours ago), he's going to start looking at something to do with casting. So I went back to the character breakdowns, and he's listed as the "Casting Director" for Gus's play.
Yikes.
Now, I know, realistically, that Gus has more say in this casting process than anyone else. I know that me getting cast or not cast is really Gus's decision and no one else's.
But this guy and I are oil and water, and he's a stickler for rules. And as soon as I saw that, I thought, well, drat, I'd better submit.
And Gus *might* call me on his lunch break, but is probably not going to call me until after he gets out of work, at which point I'll be at a dinner party that I'm being dragged to by my parents... at which point, it might be too late...
So I did it. I submitted for the antagonist, with a note reminding them that I can't be at the audition this weekend.
I justified it by thinking, if this were any other theatre company, I would have submitted. If anyone else in this theatre company were directing it, I would have submitted. And the only reason I hesitated was because of my present undefined relationship with Gus, which the rest of the company is supposed to be unaware of, so the choice to not submit is actually stranger than the choice to submit. Especially if I end up being able to audition. Less fishy this way... I think.
I hope Gus isn't mad. What if I submitted for the wrong character?
Well, I guess that just gives him another excuse not to cast me. And maybe it's better if he doesn't.
But damn, I realized while writing this how badly I want to be in this show.
Because I know it's going to be a good show, with a company I like, and with a writer/director I trust. And I know it's going to get good press, and I could get a role that's good for me. And it'll be fun.
And, weirdly, I think I prioritize all of that above whatever this relationship with Gus is... Because I know it's not really anything. Does that make sense, or is this screwed up logic?
A different theatre company offered me membership yesterday. I'm looking into it. But they have monthly dues, which I'm kind of against. I've been in a "pay-to-play" company before, and it was so not worth it to me. There's got to be another way.
But at least I have that to fall back on, I guess. Except that they want an answer ASAP. So right now, I'm writing to people who are friends with members on Facebook, and asking their opinions on the company's reputation. So far, the responses have been positive... except for a couple of "pay-to-plays suck and actors should respect themselves more than that" sorts of comments.
I'll let you know what happens.
---------------------------------
Gah, I am a drama queen. This is not a big deal, probably, to any of you reading it. And you're probably all just like, "There are other plays. Just go be in a different play."
But see, when you start getting in with a theatre company, you want to continue that relationship. Because you have no idea how difficult it is to get involved with a theatre company from the outside. The last play I was in, I was LITERALLY the ONLY person who was cast just because I walked in off the street and got an audition. EVERY OTHER PERSON had worked with the director before, and all but one had worked IN THAT THEATRE COMPANY before. It was a massive stroke of luck and good timing that I got in (and, according to Gus, had something to do with the fact that one of the other founding members of the company thought I was cute and said, "That Angela seemed good... we should cast her...", leading Gus to tease him about having a crush on me... And then they cast me. And then, weirdly, Gus made a play for me and the other guy didn't. *shrugs*)
So the pros list is this:
1. Get to do another show with a great theatre company with a good reputation that does a lot of Shakespeare, thinks I'm a great actress, and might allow me to do some really cool roles in the future.
2. Get to be in the world premiere of a play by a playwright whose last new play got stellar reviews.
3. Work with people I really like (because I'm sure some of the casting will be internal, quite like their last show).
4. Be in a show, which gives my life a sense of structure again (as I am, at present, still unemployed) and my soul a sense of artistic purpose.
5. Get a regular excuse to see Gus in a way that (in my mind) actually takes pressure off of our relationship (because it's a professional environment, and no one knows we're dating, and we'd probably keep it that way... so we'd have to be very chill, low-key, and not obvious about things).
6. It would be a union show, so I'd get a (very, very minuscule) stipend for being in it. (I think it's literally like $9 per performance or something... Which would be the first time I would have been paid to do theatre since 2008, when I was getting $20 per show for Tony 'n' Tina's Wedding in Chicago... By the way, don't go into show business for the money, guys.)
And the cons list:
1. If things go wrong with Gus, the show gets more awkward. (But only during the rehearsal process... Directors generally end up more absent during the course of the actual performances.)
2. If things go wrong with the show, things get more complicated with Gus (but whatever, things are already complicated with Gus).
3. It prevents me from acting in other things.
4. It means when I get a job, it's better if it's a job that is a 9-to-5, as opposed to a "stand-in with crazy hours" sort of thing... But honestly, that's true of any play that I might end up in.
Okay, it's now 2pm Gus's time, and 5pm my time... which means he didn't call me on his lunch break. I wonder if he'll call me at all.
*sigh*
~A~
As an excuse for our first non-date, he told me that he thought I'd be good for it.
He asked me to do a reading of it one night, which I turned down, because I had work. In retrospect, totally should have done it. But I didn't want to miss out on a day of work, when I knew I'd have to take off a few for the performances of the play I was in...
And also, part of the reason I didn't do it, being honest, was because I knew Gus was interested in me. And I didn't want to go out of my way to do something for him. Because as studies have shown, the more nice things you do for someone, the more you like them... and I knew I was vulnerable to being interested in him. I was trying so hard not to fall for Gus.
Anyway.
The auditions are this weekend. While I'm out of town. At one point, Gus said we could work it out so that I could audition another time. Maybe before I left. Maybe once I returned.
We never worked that out.
And then we've had a few, "Is this a bad idea?" conversations.
And yes, honestly, it very well could be.
But I want to be in it. A lot.
And the way I left things with him was:
1. I acknowledge this might be a terrible idea.
2. I think I want to do it anyway.
3. I leave it up to you.
(and a bonus, because I'm a controlling yet sensitive freak who felt the need to specify this)
4. If you decide not to cast me, regardless of the actual reason, please tell me it's because you're worried it would be too weird, and not because I'm, like, wrong for the role or something.
Honestly, I shouldn't have said that last part. I'm like 95% sure that would, in fact, be the reason if I'm not cast.
The theatre company sent out a character breakdown to the actors on their mailing list. I got it yesterday in my email when I turned my phone back on after touching down at JFK. And the company put it on Actors Access, which is a big self-submission site for actors. And I'm sure that at this moment, they are being positively inundated with requests from people to audition. Because the play sounds awesome. And because there are SO. MANY. ACTORS. in Los Angeles.
And I just want to be among them.
There are 5-7 female roles (two are non-specified). I'm probably good for two of the roles... maybe three.
Last night, I sent Gus a text message.
ANGELA: [Play] breakdown.
ANGELA: Do you want me to submit? And if so, for whom?
ANGELA: If I didn't know you, and I just saw the breakdown, I'd probably submit for [antagonist].
GUS: Hey! Sorry, out -- let's talk tomorrow :)
So it's tomorrow. It rolled around to noon his time, 3:00pm my time.
And then I noticed...
If you read the part of yesterday's post that was in brackets, I mentioned that there's a dude in the theatre company who is kind of a dick? And I might have screwed up my standing with the company because I told people that he's kind of a dick?
Yeah, that guy put something on facebook about how in a few hours (and this was a few hours ago), he's going to start looking at something to do with casting. So I went back to the character breakdowns, and he's listed as the "Casting Director" for Gus's play.
Yikes.
Now, I know, realistically, that Gus has more say in this casting process than anyone else. I know that me getting cast or not cast is really Gus's decision and no one else's.
But this guy and I are oil and water, and he's a stickler for rules. And as soon as I saw that, I thought, well, drat, I'd better submit.
And Gus *might* call me on his lunch break, but is probably not going to call me until after he gets out of work, at which point I'll be at a dinner party that I'm being dragged to by my parents... at which point, it might be too late...
So I did it. I submitted for the antagonist, with a note reminding them that I can't be at the audition this weekend.
I justified it by thinking, if this were any other theatre company, I would have submitted. If anyone else in this theatre company were directing it, I would have submitted. And the only reason I hesitated was because of my present undefined relationship with Gus, which the rest of the company is supposed to be unaware of, so the choice to not submit is actually stranger than the choice to submit. Especially if I end up being able to audition. Less fishy this way... I think.
I hope Gus isn't mad. What if I submitted for the wrong character?
Well, I guess that just gives him another excuse not to cast me. And maybe it's better if he doesn't.
But damn, I realized while writing this how badly I want to be in this show.
Because I know it's going to be a good show, with a company I like, and with a writer/director I trust. And I know it's going to get good press, and I could get a role that's good for me. And it'll be fun.
And, weirdly, I think I prioritize all of that above whatever this relationship with Gus is... Because I know it's not really anything. Does that make sense, or is this screwed up logic?
A different theatre company offered me membership yesterday. I'm looking into it. But they have monthly dues, which I'm kind of against. I've been in a "pay-to-play" company before, and it was so not worth it to me. There's got to be another way.
But at least I have that to fall back on, I guess. Except that they want an answer ASAP. So right now, I'm writing to people who are friends with members on Facebook, and asking their opinions on the company's reputation. So far, the responses have been positive... except for a couple of "pay-to-plays suck and actors should respect themselves more than that" sorts of comments.
I'll let you know what happens.
---------------------------------
Gah, I am a drama queen. This is not a big deal, probably, to any of you reading it. And you're probably all just like, "There are other plays. Just go be in a different play."
But see, when you start getting in with a theatre company, you want to continue that relationship. Because you have no idea how difficult it is to get involved with a theatre company from the outside. The last play I was in, I was LITERALLY the ONLY person who was cast just because I walked in off the street and got an audition. EVERY OTHER PERSON had worked with the director before, and all but one had worked IN THAT THEATRE COMPANY before. It was a massive stroke of luck and good timing that I got in (and, according to Gus, had something to do with the fact that one of the other founding members of the company thought I was cute and said, "That Angela seemed good... we should cast her...", leading Gus to tease him about having a crush on me... And then they cast me. And then, weirdly, Gus made a play for me and the other guy didn't. *shrugs*)
So the pros list is this:
1. Get to do another show with a great theatre company with a good reputation that does a lot of Shakespeare, thinks I'm a great actress, and might allow me to do some really cool roles in the future.
2. Get to be in the world premiere of a play by a playwright whose last new play got stellar reviews.
3. Work with people I really like (because I'm sure some of the casting will be internal, quite like their last show).
4. Be in a show, which gives my life a sense of structure again (as I am, at present, still unemployed) and my soul a sense of artistic purpose.
5. Get a regular excuse to see Gus in a way that (in my mind) actually takes pressure off of our relationship (because it's a professional environment, and no one knows we're dating, and we'd probably keep it that way... so we'd have to be very chill, low-key, and not obvious about things).
6. It would be a union show, so I'd get a (very, very minuscule) stipend for being in it. (I think it's literally like $9 per performance or something... Which would be the first time I would have been paid to do theatre since 2008, when I was getting $20 per show for Tony 'n' Tina's Wedding in Chicago... By the way, don't go into show business for the money, guys.)
And the cons list:
1. If things go wrong with Gus, the show gets more awkward. (But only during the rehearsal process... Directors generally end up more absent during the course of the actual performances.)
2. If things go wrong with the show, things get more complicated with Gus (but whatever, things are already complicated with Gus).
3. It prevents me from acting in other things.
4. It means when I get a job, it's better if it's a job that is a 9-to-5, as opposed to a "stand-in with crazy hours" sort of thing... But honestly, that's true of any play that I might end up in.
Okay, it's now 2pm Gus's time, and 5pm my time... which means he didn't call me on his lunch break. I wonder if he'll call me at all.
*sigh*
~A~
1 comment:
Aren't you AEA? Are either of these even possible?
I don't pay to play, or get paid less than my expenses (which is essentially the same thing). Unless I have a good reason and it doesn't interfere with anything paid.
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