The Naughty Bartender

I'm barely employed at the moment (for like 2 weeks... yay for a break!), so you'd think I'd be a more frequent blogger. But no. If anything, I feel lazier than normal without my scheduled hustle. I have several things to write about, but I'm going to break them up into several posts (which I intend to shoot out as soon as I finish them. Two posts in one day? It might happen... *gasp!*).

I'm glad so many of you enjoyed that last post of mine... I slept through my alarm clock and ended up at work an hour late (but it was my last day, so I don't think anyone cared). If I had gotten up at the normal time and not had to rush to work, I'm sure I would've taken it down before I left. Instead, I remembered that I had written it around 10:00am. I went to take it down, but saw how many amused comments there were and decided against it. Nights like that come few and far between in my world. It's not a bad thing to have a record of impulsive fun. When I'm dying in grad school, I'll probably look back on it fondly.

Later in the day, I got a facebook notification that the bartender had accepted my friend request from the night (morning?) before.



Yes, that photo is him. I feel weird about posting one of his face, as I didn't ask permission or anything (besides, there are only a handful of pictures of him on there, and most contain other people). But that's just so there's proof that I didn't make him up or anything.

I learned a lot of jarring information in a brief period of time. Let me walk you through it in the order that I saw things, along with italicized bit of inner-monologue...

1. Directly after accepting my friend request (we're talking within two minutes, according to his feed), his relationship status became "It's Complicated".

(Wait, what? What was it before that? Was it single before and now suddenly it's Complicated? That had better not be about me. But oh God, if it's NOT about me, then was he cheating on someone with me? Am I the "other woman"? It does NOT say "open relationship", so the odds that she would be okay with this are not good... Wait, maybe SHE broke up with HIM, because it doesn't say it's complicated WITH someone, and that's how facebook handles it when the other person initiates the break up... But what are the odds that it would happen within two minutes of becoming my friend, hours after making out with me?)

2. I notice his status says "is moving."

(Oh my God! He was totally living with his girlfriend, and then he probably came home at like 4:00am and he told her he made out with some random chick and she threw him out! OH MY GOD! I'M A HOMEWRECKER!)

3. I try to look at his past statuses to see if I can find proof that he was already in the process of moving, or to see if he had been in a relationship with someone before. I discover that he hadn't had any activity in over a week before I requested him as a friend.

(Wait, didn't we have a conversation last night about our most recent break-ups? We totally did! I don't remember most of it, but I know he was talking about an ex. Which means he just got out of a relationship. Or he was lying to me because I told him that whole story about how anti-cheating I am, and that's why I wouldn't get with the guys who had been hitting on me... because they all had girlfriends. So he lied to me and said he'd broken up with his girlfriend! HOLY CATS! I AM THE OTHER WOMAN! But is that my fault? I mean, if he lied to me, how could I have known? But I SHOULD have known! I'm just so gullible! No, not gullible... I'm TRUSTING! And he betrayed my trust. HOW DARE HE!)

4. I go back to his main page. Less than five minutes have passed since I first looked at it. His relationship status has now changed to "Single".

(Wait, maybe they broke up a while ago, and he just hadn't changed his relationship status. After all, he's not on Facebook very often. He hadn't been on at all for over a week... That's not so bad. No problem... I wonder if anyone wrote encouragement on his wall regarding a break up...)

5. Only 4 posts on his wall, total. One was from the night before from a female who thanked him for going out on Sunday (I was reading this on a Friday, for reference). The others were months before.

(No mention of a break up, but clearly he's been hanging out with women at bars... so he's probably single... Right?)

6. The wall post directly before that? From April 28th. It says, and I quote, "Your daughters are so adorable!".

(OH MY GOD! HE HAS DAUGHTERS! OH MY GOD! Daughters with an 's', meaning PLURAL! He probably just broke up with his baby mama! OH MY GOD, WHAT IF HE WAS MARRIED? Calm down, Angela. Maybe you misread it. Maybe it's an inside joke... Nope. Definitely not.)

7. Look at his photo albums for evidence of daughters. Find pictures with two ADORABLE little girls. He refers to them as "My girls". There is also a picture of a woman who looks like she could definitely be their mother.

(I'm a horrible person. I'm going to Hell. This man has two children and a baby mama. Wait, no... HE'S a horrible person! Unless he's single. The pictures have clearly been there for awhile... I CAN'T BELIEVE HE HAS KIDS AND DIDN'T MENTION THAT! But then, I know EXACTLY why he didn't mention that. It would be a stupid thing to bring up... Must show female coworker and ask for advice.)

8. Coworker asks to see picture of him. I find a couple and realize just how Hispanic he looks.

(Oh man, he's the biggest liar ever! He was going off about how he was 100% Sicilian, and how his grandmother was the youngest of 11 children and was the first one born in America. And he told me the story of how his best friend's mother spoke Spanglish, and that's how he started learning Spanish... But he totally looks Hispanic in these pictures! How did I not notice that last night? Oh, wait... I DID notice that last night! And I asked him if he was Mexican or Puerto Rican or something, and he said he was Sicilian, and I said I didn't believe him because he was fluent in Spanish... He is SUCH A LIAR! And I am SO GULLIBLE! Oh my God... What ELSE did he lie about?)

9. Check his birthdate. His birthday is in December, and he's 30. Just like he said.

(That doesn't prove anything. He's still not an honest person... He's... still... really hot. Damn.)

I do a lot more freaking out.

The coworker that I showed everything to started coming up with conspiracy theories based on her experiences with dating players in the past. She thinks he told me he was Sicilian so that if I talked to him around any other girls that he had hooked up with, our stories wouldn't match and we wouldn't realize we were talking about the same guy. She also said to stay away from him so that I don't have to deal with any baby mama drama.

(Have you seen the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin where Jay starts warning Andy that Trish's baby-daddy might be in prison and have boys on the outside who were going to hunt him down? It felt like that kind of conversation. Pretty funny, in retrospect.)

Then begins the second part of the drama...

At some point, I guess I sent a text to my TnT buddy Dan saying that I had experienced a PG-13 night. To be honest, I'm not really sure when (or why) I did that... Dan then tried to get me to tell him who the guy was, via text. I wouldn't. Dan texted, "then at least tell me who went to the bar," clearly assuming that it had been someone from TnT. I wrote back that I never made it out to the bar. I guess I thought that'd be the end of the story.

So imagine my surprise when I walked into the dressing room half an hour early, and one of the actresses said, "so I heard you made out with Nick last night." Um, WHAT? Color me shocked.

As it turned out... Dan had arrived at the theatre early. He asked the handful of people who were there if they knew where I'd gone the night before after the show. Carol, the costume mistress, told him that she thought I had gone to the bar. The others said that no, I hadn't. Carol said, "well I left her with Nick and the kitchen staff... And Nick said he'd take her to the bar." Dan then proceeded to tell them what he'd heard from me, and the rumor was born.

And my freak out reaction to said rumor? Well, that confirmed it.

Fantastic. So now? I'm pretty sure that everyone in TnT knows.

One of the girls actually told me how jealous she was, saying that she thought he was hot. She then said that the reason she hadn't gone after him was because she thought he was gay, and was glad to know that he's not.

Happy to help?

I think that at least one of the guys in the cast is actually bitter about the whole thing... Jealous, I think. Oh well. Sorry buddy. It's not like I planned it.

I ended up talking to the kitchen staff before the show, and they confirmed that, to their knowledge, the bartender is not actually 100% Sicilian. One said, "I think he's half-Italian, half-Boricua" (Puerto Rican). When I asked if they knew why he had tried to convince me of his Sicilian background, he said, "I think he wanted to impress you."

The funny thing is, it wouldn't have mattered if he'd told the truth. I had a massive crush on a Puerto Rican named Pedro once. (Mmmm... Pedro...) I would've been equally excited (impressed?) by that background. Hell, my first kiss was with a Mexican guy. I have a thing for Hispanics. He really gained nothing with that lie (except maybe a harder to follow trail for his baby mama's private investigators).

Remember when I wrote my theory of the fine lines of personality? This guy is TOTALLY the Charming/Con Artist... with a dash of Sexy/Evil.


May you know what you're getting into,

~A~