Present Tense

(Me looking awkward at a Bad Sweater Party with D-Train and Moby.)


Every year around this time, I find myself rushing to come up with brilliant gifts for everyone in my family. I hustle and bustle, trying to determine what might light up their faces when they unwrap the surprises. And nearly every year, I fail.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. I have a reputation for giving lame presents.

Usually, one of my brothers will email the rest of the family asking for Christmas wish lists. And I oblige. So dutiful am I, in fact, that I make things easy on my family members by providing links to places where they can see (or buy) these things online.

And I request similar lists. But it's rare that I get any in return. I can't fault my brothers on this, as I know they've been in Finals season. And my parents always throw out some dull overused answer about not wanting anything other than for their children to succeed... Blah, blah, blah.

So I head to stores and end up with two arms full of my best guesses. I take them home, wrap them, and pray.

A couple of years ago I actually forewarned my family that the theme of my gifts that year was, "I thought maybe you wouldn't hate it."

This year, I sent them the following message along with my ideas list:
NOTE: I expect similar lists in return. After all, the greatest gift you can give to me is making my shopping easier. If you do not send me a list, I will be forced to buy you a miniature palm tree from the airport (which SOUNDS cute, but do you really want to try to keep a palm tree alive in your climate? And it might be a hassle bringing four of them on the plane in my carry-on... You don't want me to have to do that, do you?)

That didn't scare them.

Eventually one of my brothers sent me a fragmented list:
- Wired Magazine (he included this link, which was pretty thoughtful)
- Synsepalum dulcificum, aka “miracle fruit”
- Coffee things for his awesome coffee maker

Perhaps now you see why he's hard to buy for.

The other brother has given me no hints. Neither have my parents. So it looks like it'll be three miniature palm trees for them.

Okay, that's not true. Brother #1 had an idea for Brother #2 which I think I'll use... if I can find the darn thing anywhere. And I have something that I know my mom will love...

My dad is tricky, because my mother has basically forbidden us from buying him all the things we know he likes. She put a moratorium on his CD and sheet music buying a couple of years ago. She keeps putting him (and herself) on the South Beach Diet, so unhealthy food (like chocolate) is pretty much out. She says no to magazine and newspaper subscriptions, as she thinks they just clutter the house. I really have no idea what to get him. I hope it doesn't suck.

I have gifts in the works for my roommates, which I'm nervous about. I think they're awesome, which, given my history, could spell disaster. Particularly because I've decided to go with clothing items. Matching clothing items. (Wow... this idea sounds so much worse now that I'm typing it out...) I stalked their closets to try to gauge their sizes, and I not-so-stealthily discovered their favorite colors. *fingers crossed*

I just get so tense about these things. I love the people in my life so much, and I want to give them presents that are worthy of how great they are. Maybe I try too hard? Or maybe I just really don't know them as well as I think I do.

Gah! And then I get this anxiety about, "what if the present I get them isn't as good/thoughtful/funny/expensive as the one they got me?" It's so much pressure!

Anyway. I've had stress stomachaches the last three days in a row. I think they have a little to do with being nervous with my understudy assignments. And they have a little to do with being freaked out that my doctor's appointment had to be rescheduled (because my doctor's father died). And they have a little to do with being really tense over the concept of gift-giving in general.

Next year, I'm asking everyone to give me the gift of not having to exchange presents at all.



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Okay, I never thought I'd do this kind of a post, but it seems an appropriate way to continue this subject. These are some of the things that I desperately want:

- A friend of mine from high school (my senior homecoming date, and the Mr. Webb to my Mrs. Webb... Mr. Stephen Carrasco) is currently in his Broadway debut (in the ensemble of Irving Berlin's White Christmas). I asked my parents for a ticket to go see him. The tickets are expensive, but that's what I want more than anything else. *fingers crossed*

- Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog on DVD (which includes "Commentary: the Musical"... I'm pretty sure it's going to be the best thing since... ever.)

- Clone High on DVD. (This show didn't air for even a full season, but I illegally downloaded the episodes at one point, and it's EASILY the funniest animated series I've ever seen. Stupendous.)

- Protagonist necklace by Lioness Den Jewelry (because sometimes I need a reminder that I should be the Leading Lady in my own life!)

- Things I've Learned from Women Who've Dumped Me compiled by Ben Karlin (I went to a promotional reading from this book at the Lakeshore Theatre when I lived in Chicago, and it seemed both hilarious and poignant.)

- Fourth Comings by Megan McCafferty (I don't understand why high schoolers are all obsessed with Twilight instead of Sloppy Firsts. This is the 4th book in the S.F. series. The first three rocked my world and are easily some of my favorite books to date.)

- Smile Necklace by Charlie's (Because I think it's delightful... I also like this shop's Cherry Pendant)

- Vintage 1889 Drama Comedy Tragedy Theater Actress Actor Pendant by oliviamoon (I'm an actor, remember?)

- Rainy Days n Monday...charm necklace by Arete (Monday is the dark day for theatre, and it has always been my favorite day of the week. And I love rain. For most people, these are things to avoid... but for me, they're wonderful signs of hope and new beginnings.)



And because I'm on an Etsy kick, here are some more things that I DIDN'T put on my list... but that I totally should have. Because I want to buy them all and have no money to do so.

- Be Nice Or I'll Poison Your Food Apron by Rainbow Swirlz

- Hoodie Heart Desire Dress by Posh Panache

- PRINT - I Wanted To See You by johnclark (I love John Clark's work, and I'm particularly drawn to this print. Is it my imagination, or does this chick bear a resemblance to yours truly?) -- I also like PRINT - I Cannot Explain

- Sterling Silver and Pewter Smile Camera Charm Necklace by Hoolala (I do have a great love for taking pictures) I also love the things that say "Darling You Are Boring Me"

- I Love Yous Women's T-Shirt by Mama Sass Designs

- Shannon Leigh, I still believe in God, Poetry Necklace by Lioness Den Jewelry (There's a sad story attached to this, which you can read in the listing. All profits contributed to the late Shannon Leigh's family.)

- Just Like a Star in the Sky Necklace by Barbara's Beads (The ONLY reason I have not purchased this is because it looks like my two favorite necklaces got together and had a baby. I have one that's just a star, and one that's all the other beads. I feel like I don't need to own all three... But I love it!)

- Black and White Houndstooth Hoodie by youmeyou (It turns out hoodies CAN be sexy.)

- Glamorous Personality - Vintage Ad Soldered Glass Pocket/Purse Mirror by 2Dy4 (I NEED a new purse mirror... But am I glamorous enough for this one?)

- Handwired tree pendant Necklace - Peridot/Gold by sammi84 (TREE!!!)

- beret12 by dadaya (Because the red & white mushrooms remind me of German storybooks that my grandmother used to read with me when I was a kid)

- Ivory Voluminous Flower felt brooch by soleil girl (Because I like pretty things)

- Sea Urchin Ring by Kitchen Table Studios (It's so crazy!)


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May you not get too tense over presents.

~A~


P.S. Yes, the title of this post was effing brill. Thank you for your applause and appreciation.