Backhanded Goodbyes

If I had any mixed feelings about leaving, they're gone now.

I gave my notice at Tony n' Tina's Wedding last week. I knew that this would condemn me to Black Staff for the rest of my days (despite claims from some in the cast that "don't worry, they'll let you go up [as Sister Terry] before you leave"... Oh, please. Why would they bother putting in the time to finish training me now?).

What I didn't anticipate was being punished in another way: not being put on the schedule.

I've worked every single performance for the last two months (I've been in the show for three). I've worked hard. I've been completely exhausted as a result. And I expected that to continue.

Imagine my surprise when, out of four shows this week, I was only scheduled to be in one of them.

And on top of that, the director made it painfully obvious that he was going to great lengths to avoid putting me on Black Staff. Like on two nights, scheduling only one Black Staff to do it single-handedly (which is damn well near impossible). Or bumping the current Tina down to Black Staff and calling in an old Tina to take her place. He even scheduled someone for one performance who had already gotten approved to take the night off. THAT'S how far he went to not put me on.

I was upset. Understandably, I think.

This show is about to be short-staffed for a month, due to four of us leaving on the 9th. Shouldn't they use me while they've got me? But no, the director has decided to punish me for leaving. It just seems like an immature decision to me.

You know, as much as it sucks that I've been stuck in Black Staff for three months (which, if you recall, is like being on stage crew -- or being a waiter, but for way less money -- and having to be in character on top of that), I like it. Yes, I wish I were a character. Of course I do. But I've made the most out of Black Staff. I give my all every single night. I've created complex, interesting, energetic characters. I'm great at getting the audience involved (even the people who came into the show with the idea that they were going to hate it).

I love performing. I love being part of a show again. And I won't be able to do it again for a long time (in my grad school program, you're not on stage for your first year).

Additionally, the cast of TnT has become my friend group. We go out to the bar every show night. We have a lot of fun, both during the performances and after them. And not being in the show means missing out on that.

Things ended up working out alright. Someone called in sick on Wednesday, so they called me in. Someone needed off on Friday, so they called me in. And there's too big of a house for one Black Staff to handle tonight, so they've called me in. My one-show week has turned into a four-show-week. And while most people in this show would love to have some time off, I'm thrilled to be working.

And to make things more interesting for myself, I created yet another Black Staff character last night. Her name is Farina. She flirts with every male in the room (young or old, cast or audience). She thinks getting married in your twenties is a bad idea, because you should play the field while you've got time.

It's always fun to create a new character, but I'll probably stick to Hot Cocoa and Carmella for the rest of my shows, as I love them both and probably won't have many more opportunities to play either of them. I've been told by the ASM to expect to only be on the schedule one time next week, and one time the week after (although if I'm lucky, I might be able to squeeze in a couple more shows the same way I did this week)

On top of dealing with this at my night job, there are problems with my other job. My day job. My "real" job.

I had some vacation days left that I wanted to use before leaving. My last day there is going to be next Friday (August 1st). So I took a half day yesterday, I'm taking a half day on Thursday, and I decided to take Wednesday off. A good way to sort of break up my last week, I thought.

Two of my coworkers have birthdays this week (one on Sunday, one on Monday). One of my other coworkers found out last week that she got a job in a different department, and her last day will be the week after mine. And another coworker is approaching his 5-year anniversary at the company.

So my boss had the brilliant idea to combine the two birthdays, two going-away parties, and anniversary party.

And she put it on Wednesday, July 30th.

Yeah, that's right. The day I'm going to be gone.

KNOWING FULL WELL that I was going to be gone.

They're throwing me a going-away party, and I'm not even going to be there to attend it.

And on top of that, they've asked me to donate money to help buy food for it.

I wanted to scream. I pointed out that I wasn't going to be there, and the response I got was, "Oh, that's too bad."

They probably just didn't think about it.

It reminds me of the end of last year when my whole department was taken out to lunch by our VP because we'd exceeded our goals for the year. Everything was served family style, so the people planning things ordered the food a week in advance. Before placing the order, they asked, "Hey, Angela, you're still a vegetarian, right?" I assured them that I was, and they said they'd make sure to get several things that I could eat. When we got there for the meal, I saw that they ordered two salads and about six main dishes. One of the salads had anchovies, the other had bacon. And they only ordered ONE meatless dish (fettucine alfredo), which other people polished off before the bowl made it down to me. Then they said, "Well, that's why we ordered two things with chicken and one with fish. We figured you could eat those." (Apparently, none of them knows the definition of the word "vegetarian"?) They ended up ordering another bowl of fettucine so that I could eat SOMETHING.

That sucked. But this whole party-for-me-without-me thing? Infinitely worse.

As one of my coworkers pointed out, "when you have a going-away party for someone who is there, you're saying 'we're going to miss you.' When the person isn't there, you're saying, 'hooray, she's leaving!' "

I've been working there for a year and a half, and I have been a DAMN fine employee (okay, not so much lately... but last year my performance review was outstanding and said I "often exceeded expectations", which is high praise in my department). And now I'm leaving. I'm not just going to another floor, like the other girl who's leaving. I'm moving out of the state. To a state that's very far away. And these people that I've seen five days a week for the last year and a half? I might never see them again. And they're throwing my goodbye party when I WON'T BE THERE.

Maybe I'm overreacting, but I cried. A lot.

But, you know what? It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to.

There's more to this story... Like how my boss BEGGED me to ask for Friday off from TnT so that the department could go out for drinks on my last day, and then (after I had asked for it off, something that probably hurt me in TnT) decided that we shouldn't go because three people in the department were going to be out that day. Or how my boss TOLD ME that we would have a party on my last day, and then changed her mind. Or how, when I took Wednesday off, my boss said, "Oh, but then you'll miss the double-birthday-party," and then she went on to combine it with my going-away party after that conversation... There are several more things that I'm bitter about, but you get the idea.

And yes, I COULD switch my day off and just reschedule the things I planned to do that day. But now it's a matter of principle. Why should I rearrange my plans to go to a party that clearly no one cares if I attend?

I'm upset. I'm frustrated. And I want out.

I have worked SO HARD at BOTH of my jobs, and NEITHER appreciates me. Instead, they wave goodbye to me with the backs of their hands.

I'm ready to leave now.


May others appreciate the work that you do.

~A~


P.S. I have been told three times in the last week that I remind people of Marisa Tomei circa "My Cousin Vinnie" when I play Hot Cocoa in TnT.