Singles Awareness Day

Hello ladies and gentlemen.

Happy Singles Awareness Day!

I know most of you think that February 14th is Valentine's Day, but I far prefer this unofficial substitute holiday.

Someone out there will probably point out that the acronym is SAD, and that this is depressing. Interesting, isn't it, that February 14 lies dead smack in the center of the 28-day (or, in this case, 29-day) month that I generally refer to as the month I get SAD (Seasonal Affected Disorder)...

But to the people who would bring up the aforementioned acronym as a way to discredit the holiday, I say BAH! After all, the Valentine's Day shares an acronym with Venereal Disease. Being in a relationship might get you Valentine's Day, but it could also get you a Venereal Disease, and you'll be Single and celebrating SAD soon enough.

And I'm sure someone will comment that this is a fake holiday, and therefore not worth celebrating. But what, I ask you, is Valentine's Day? It's a holiday named for two early Christian martyrs (both named Valentine... and I think at least one of them is a Saint in the Catholic Church), but the closest thing to a religious symbol that anyone associates with it is a Roman mythological figure (Cupid). If ever Hallmark were behind a holiday, this is certainly the one. So I see nothing wrong with celebrating an alternative made-up holiday.

I'm actually relieved (and, dare I say it, excited) to be single this Valentine's Day. The last two years, I was in a relationship over this love-centric holiday. And I hated it. I much preferred the Valentine's Days where I sat around with my single friends to the ones where I was awkwardly trying to figure out how to handle relationship-y things.

I think part of the problem is that I'm not a hopeless romantic. Or even a hopeful one. Yes, I'll watch (and enjoy) the occasional romantic comedy (er... "chick flick"). Yes, I loved the Bridget Jones books. Yes, I own Win a Date with Tad Hamilton! (which, actually, I think I may have gotten for Valentine's Day from my ex... can't remember for which occasion he gave it to me). But those aren't the sort of things that I want to happen to me in real life.

Someone recently asked me if I had a problem with expressing affection... something like that. Maybe I do. I don't know. I just don't particularly care for being bathed in it. Feels very much like drowning. Maybe I have trouble reciprocating as a result. I get too uncomfortable... This particular problem requires further analyzation, but I don't care to delve into it at the moment.

Instead, I'll talk about reasons I don't like being coupled off on this most couple-y of days.

For one thing, as I've mentioned before, I hate surprises. Now, don't misunderstand me. When I say I don't like surprises, that doesn't mean I'm against spontaneity. It's a distinction that some people have difficulty grappling with. I don't like being surprised. I'm all for making impromptu decisions.

For another thing, I hate "couple-y" things. I hate having a song or movie that suddenly becomes "ours" (my ex, clearly not understanding this concept declared that my favorite movie, Animal House, was "our" movie, since we both enjoyed it. No, it is MY movie. I loved it long before he came along. And frankly, I don't remember ever watching it together. Clearly, it was not in any way a part of our relationship. He also once said "our song" was "Elephant Love Medley" from Moulin Rouge, a song that reminds me of time spent with my friend Phil long before it reminds me of my ex).

For another thing, I can't be won over the way other girls can be. And I hate having to pretend that I like that sort of thing just because a guy went to some trouble over it, completely misunderstanding what it is that I want out of him.

Whenever someone performs an incredibly romantic gesture for me (or for a girl like me), my mother refers to it as "a waste of a romantic guy". Most girls would salivate over that sort of thing. But I'm not most girls.

My dad says that he thinks I sometimes take the male role in relationships. I wouldn't say that. I'm just not... I don't know. Standard? I don't need to play hard to get. I genuinely AM hard to get.

I dislike getting presents from guys. In part because, in my experience, they miss the mark (like the time my ex bought me a diamond necklace after a year and a half of dating... It made me question whether he knew me at all. I far preferred Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!, especially since we had a running private joke about my love for that film). And you have to love them for trying (incredibly endearing when they do), but I'd rather just not get gifts at all.

The best gifts are experiences. Not physical presents. Memories are better. But try explaining that to a guy. And that, coupled with the "spontaneous is good; surprising is not" concept... I guess I'm just not easy to please.

But this year, I don't have to worry about any of that. This year I stand single and proud. This year I'm free. This year, I don't plan to do anything differently on Valentine's Day than I do any other day of the year. And I love that.

(Really, though, that's the way it should be. Even for people in relationships. If you love each other, why wait until Valentine's Day to show it? Find ways to express the way you feel every day. Every single day. If you're crazy about each other, why wouldn't you?)

I'm single in every possible sense... But every now and then I contemplate adjusting my facebook profile to read "It's Complicated". Because in my life, it always is. And on the male front... yeah, I think that's probably the best way to describe it. It certainly isn't simple. And while I may be technically single, I don't think I'm really datable at the moment, for a variety of reasons. So my facebook profile currently doesn't have a Relationship Status at all. It's blank. Hopefully, that's the least misleading of my options.

You know, some of the greatest gifts I've gotten recently have been videos that people sent me of themselves through facebook (it really is a marvelous invention, that site). Like the friend who used a Kermit the Frog puppet to serenade me with a Josh Groban song. Or the friend who performed a video strip tease to the song "In These Shoes?" (formerly on my ProjectPlaylist). You understand why I felt the need to propose to both of them... They gave me amazing gifts; they gave me stories. They gave me joy.


May you have a love-filled VD/SAD, whether you're in love with someone else or practicing loving yourself.

~A~


P.S. I debated putting on this last image, as I'm currently a vegetarian, and I know that I have a handful of vegetarian and vegan readers... But I decided I had to. It makes me laugh. Try not to take it too seriously.