I Think I Like Him

I freaked out. For reasons that seemed good at the time. But I shouldn't have. I don't have to with him. I'm just too stupid to have figured that out yet.

I wore a green dress. It got a positive response. He's never seen me a dress before. Well, no more than the people who read this blog have. In pictures, but never in real life.

In real life. It's the one way I rarely get to experience him. In person. I prefer it to every other way. There are so many more things about him to enjoy. The way he looks. The way he smells. The way he feels. The way he tries to read my face (and often fails miserably -- but it's endearing that he tries).

He smells nice. Manly, with a bit of laundry detergent mixed in. Clean. Like home, somehow. He said I smelled good. I imagine that at the time I smelled like sweat, stale shampoo, and marinara sauce. And maybe a trace of grapefruit from the perfume I had put on that morning. He insisted that it was a good scent.

He came to see the show. I had my friend Anna be his date for the evening. He seemed to enjoy the audience participation. Hell, he created his own character, complete with lisp and backstory (he and Anna were "engaged" and fighting over the color of bridesmaids' dresses at their upcoming nuptials when I passed them at one point). He applauded madly as I danced on the bar (even as I *almost* fell off about four times... apparently, despite my lack of peripheral vision, I have a well-compensating sense of balance). He told me after the show how he thought I was great.

At the bar with the cast, he sent me text messages from 10 inches away, carrying out a secret discourse while continuing to converse with the others at the table. And at one point he called me out for being "rude" and texting "someone" after he came all this way to see me. I laughed and put my phone away. And then I got him to dance like an idiot with me to some techno music. It didn't even take much convincing.

He's protective of me. But not in an overbearing way. Just in a cautious one. Wanting to keep me out of the bad situations that I have a tendency to get myself into (the sorts of situations that I won't discuss here, but don't worry... it's me; therefore, it's nothing scandalous).

Every so often, I'd catch a glimpse at him, and really see him. Because so much of our relationship is sight-unseen, I forget how attractive I find him. But some moments, it strikes me out of the blue. He's a good-looking guy. Of course, I'm probably biased...

He's so warm. His body is, I mean (though the same could be said for his manner). Mine is always cold. And I have this tendency to get temperature-induced Tourette's ("Freezing! D*** it! AH! Cold! F***!"). He says he doesn't like it when people complain about being cold. I guess he's making some sort of exception for me and my notably poor circulation.

I learned last night that he's an excellent cuddler, which I'm excited about for future use. He's aware of his position and physically attentive. And if it hadn't been for a particularly annoying alarm clock emanating from the apartment next door for the better part of the morning, I think we would've slept quite well on the futon in his friends' loft.

He rushed around in the morning and packed up his things. I stood back, wanting to be near him, but not wanting to get in the way. He dropped his bags, walked over, and enveloped me in a hug. I forget what he said exactly, but it was lovely in the moment. Something about how he'd been worrying that he was forgetting something, but then he saw me and realized that hugging me was what he'd been forgetting. (It turned out later that he'd also forgotten his camera and a pair of socks.)

Logically, I just saw him a matter of hours ago. But I miss him. More than I probably should. Most likely just because I know how far away he is.

I'm seeing him again this week. Thursday through Monday. Five whole days. The longest I've been around him in one go in the entire time we've know each other has been... about 14 hours, back in August. Megan was there then, and I was dating Ex #2 at the time. This is going to be just the two of us, and the only people we're attached to are each other. I'm looking forward to it immensely.

I'm going to be in the show again tonight, for the third night in a row. I feel like I haven't had a weekend because of all the rushing around. The next few days of work at my "real" job are going to be rough. But at least it's a short week. Half a day on Thursday, and then I'm going to go in one of the metal tubes in the sky that Brian spends so much time in, and before long I'll be in Nebraska.

I spoke to my youngest brother earlier today. He came to the conclusion that if I'm willing to go to Nebraska for five days, then I must really like this guy.

I think I do.


May you find someone you really like.

~A~


P.S. Thank you for all the encouraging comments on the last two posts. I'm glad to announce that I'm oh-bee-kay-bee now.