An Accidental Flirt

("Disco" and "Thrill" <-- who is not the classmate that I mention in this post)


Hello. My name is Angela, and I am a flirt.

And the worst part is, I don’t even realize it.

I’ve been referred to as a flirt several times in the last month, for one reason or another. Mostly, I’ve brushed out these accusations, seeing them as exaggerations of reality. But when you hear something over and over again, you begin to wonder if it’s true.

At first, I thought, “I don’t know how to flirt.” Which is true. Whenever there’s someone I want to flirt with, I’m at a loss. I’m ill at ease. I clam up. Or I say too much. Or every stupid or inane thought that has ever entered my head suddenly pours out of my unfiltered mouth in a strange and uncomfortable jumble of word vomit. I can’t flirt successfully.

I don’t understand the act of flirting in general. Particularly the way men seem to do it around me. Making fun of me? Making fun of things I like? I’ve been told that this sort of “teasing” is flirting, but I don’t take it that way. I take it as a form of disrespect.

(Take note, male readers who might wish to flirt with me in the future.)

I also don’t understand slutty flirting. Making everything dirty? Working sexual things into conversation? Flat out propositioning people in public? Not attractive. I don’t get it.

Maybe it’s just that I’m some sort of late bloomer. I remember the first time I learned the word “flirting”. It was November of my freshman of high school. Yes, that’s right. I entered high school with no prior knowledge of what flirting was. A senior boy was shocked, confused, and amazed by the fact that I didn’t understand the word he had just used. He tried, somewhat unsuccessfully, to explain it. I believe his definition was something along the lines of this: whatever someone does to try to let someone of the opposite sex know they’re interested.

Clearly, his definition was not a perfect one, but that’s pretty much what I thought flirting was until I got to college. Until then, I’m fairly certain I was unaware that you could flirt with people you were NOT interested in.

I didn’t flirt, because I didn’t know how to.

It wasn’t until last spring that I got a better idea of what was I was doing.

I played a particularly flirtatious character in a play, and I was lost on how to do it. I stated practicing with guys in the cast outside of rehearsals. They tried to explain things to me. I got the hang of some more than others, but I was able to make progress.

Pretty soon, I started taking my work home with me. Sometimes actors have baggage. Sometimes strong characters begin to seep into your own life. After one play, I started saying “lovely” with great frequency because of my character’s tendency to do so. After another play, I unconsciously floated into and out of a horribly fake British accent without warning. And as a result of the play last spring, I became a flirtier person.

At first, I was aware of it. I figured it was just a sort of phase, and that it would eventually end.

I guess I assumed that it had.

But clearly that’s not the case.

I think I just became less aware of it. I forgot what flirting was, and began doing it unconsciously.

See, I don’t think I’m flirty. I just think I’m friendly.

Is it really flirting if the person doing it is completely unaware of it?

Maybe I’m misunderstood. Maybe my actions are just misconstrued.

My friend said, “a flower might be so focused on getting sunlight and water that it doesn’t realize that it’s attracting the bee… but it was doing exactly what it needed to do to get the bee interested.”

I’m not even sure what it is that I do that’s flirtatious. No one really explains that to me.

Well, recently someone did. Apparently, while intoxi-tipsy at my going-away party, I said and did some things that sober Angela would not do (and that I have NO recollection of doing). Things like telling someone he looked like a good kisser while holding his face in my hand. Yeah, I can see how that would be construed as flirting (seriously, WHY DID I DO THAT??? And why do I NOT REMEMBER that?).

Maybe that’s who am underneath everything, and it comes out from time to time. Like when under the influence of several nameless fruity alcoholic beverages that the bartender made up on the spot.

(Man, I’m embarrassed.)

Anyway. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, as one of my grad school resolutions is to not actively flirt with any of my schoolmates. But am I sending out signals that I'm not aware of?

Part of the potential problem is that I'm a huggy, cuddly sort of person. I crave physical contact. Generally, I try to warn people of that when I first meet them to gauge their comfort level. I did that with the TnT cast, and I did it again when I got down here. And everyone in my class seemed to be okay with it (and some of them, I was pleased to discover, are excellent huggers).

Recently, I was hugging a classmate goodbye as he left a party, and I did a sort of "full-body hug". Meaning that I lift my leg onto someone's hip as I hug them. I only do it with people I feel comfortable with, and I do it as sort of a silly gesture, almost like a physical joke. When I hugged him, he said, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Leg." At first I thought he was joking, and it was just a playful reaction to my unconventional hugging style. But then he SHOVED my leg towards the ground and said, "Don't do that. Don't ever do that." I apologized quickly, somewhat bewildered at his reaction, as I've never gotten one like that before. He said, "Just remember your resolutions." (I informed some of my classmates about the existence of the list and some of the things on it, including the section about staying away from any sort of sexual or romantic gestures). I apologized several times as he left.

For the record, I was NOT trying to come onto him. He has a girlfriend, and even if he didn't, he's really not my style. He's solidly AGAG, which I think is why I felt that it was okay to hug him like that; I felt it was obvious that I didn't mean anything by it. Now I feel completely afraid to touch him (which isn't good, as we're part of the same theatrical ensemble).

So what do you think, readers? Is it possible for someone to flirt and not know it? Or is flirting only a conscious thing? Are people misconstruing my attempts at being friendly? And if so, is that my fault or theirs?


Whether friendly or flirty, may you be fun (and HAVE fun!).

~A~


ETA: "The Pro" mentioned that, because of my energy, he assumed I would always play "sexpot" characters. Which is funny, because I've never actually played one. I played the flirt once, but never the sexpot.