Holding My Tongue

(Me getting a kiss from an intoxicated 2nd-year)

As you may or may not know, I have tonsillitis. To answer your questions:
- No, I'm not contagious.
- No, I don't have to get my tonsils removed.
- No, I didn't get it from making out with someone (sadly... I think I'd be less embittered about the whole thing if I'd at least gotten to make out with someone as part of the deal).
- Yes, I've been eating an inexcusably massive of ice cream as a means to cope with it, despite the fact that my voice professor has warned against dairy (I've literally gained at least 5 pounds in the last week that does not appear to be water weight).

My voice professor put me on "vocal rest", which means I haven't been allowed to talk or whisper since Saturday. I don't think I was ever fully aware of just how much I sing, whisper, and talk to myself until this weekend. It's been rough.

Being silent has actually been sort of a neat experience. I've learned to communicate through a complicated non-language comprised of facial expression, gesturing, mime, and interpretive dance. I have also been carrying a notepad and pen with me everywhere I went.

So here's a little advice for you, if ever you find yourself in a self-imposed silent state (or a professor-imposed one).

- Do not try to do transactions with your bank.
It makes the teller uncomfortable when you approach with a note. It doesn't matter if you walk up smiling, or that the note is in purple ink, or that it just says that you want to deposit three checks, don't know your account number, and need to order a new checkbook. It doesn't even matter if you're a physically unimposing female in a tank top and capris who is clearly not able to conceal a handgun and do not have a complicated bombing mechanism strapped to any part of your body. Their eyes dart around to the security cameras as though you're about to blow the place to smithereens. (Although once we got past the initial awkwardness, she was very helpful.)

- Do go swim-suit shopping.
You still think all the bad thoughts, like "I look fat in this", "Are hips supposed to look like this?", and "I really wish that my professors hadn't forbidden us from doing sit-ups*". But not vocalizing them makes the experience a lot more pleasant and positive. (And I had a really great salesperson who was pretty straight with me about what looked good and what didn't. I ended up with a bright cerulean one-piece that I feel good in.)

*(True story. We're not allowed to do sit-ups because having too strong of ab muscles is bad for vocal production. Which is probably why you never see any really cut opera singers.)

- Do not get caught in any sort of "fair", "expo", or any day that involves people with booths and pamphlets at the local mall.
People will keep trying to demonstrate things on you or give you information, and you're really rather powerless to stop it. And when you walk away without saying "no thank you", they act like you've just offended them in a cruel and unusual manner**.

**This does not apply if you live in a real city. City-folk are used to passersby ignoring them. But if you're, say, in a medium-sized town in Florida, then it's a major problem.

- Do go to the beach by yourself in your shiny*** new swimsuit when it's completely overcast. It makes you feel way less self-conscious to be in a swimsuit on an empty beach than it would normally. And being there by yourself (or with a classmate who was supposed to sit in silence on a beach for two hours for a movement class homework assignment, as was my situation) is much better than being at a party with a bunch of people whom you wouldn't be able to speak with (which I skipped).

***(Not literally shiny. That could get tacky.)

- Do not feel the need to explain to strangers why you're not talking. It just makes people ask more questions that you're ill-equipped to answer (such as, "how long won't you be talking?", "how contagious are you?", and "so have you had your tonsils removed already, or do you have to do that soon?"). Better to just let them imagine whatever they want.

- Do use your entire body when trying to get ideas across in public.
Particularly when dealing with salespeople at the GAP. It'll take them forever to figure out that you can't find the large bottle of "So Pink" perfume and you wonder if they have any in the back, but it's so much more entertaining than just pulling out the notebook that you have and writing it down. They try to keep straight faces, but you know that they think it's hilarious. (At one point, I tried to pull out my notebook to write something, and the salesperson actually told me not to, insisting that she could decipher my charades if given a little more time.)

- Do not go to a drive-through window at a fast-food restaurant.
I didn't actually even try this. But oh, I wanted a Frosty from Wendy's so badly... but there was a line inside and I realized that the giant outdoor two-way microphone just wasn't going to work for me that day.


My voice professor gave me permission to speak in my acting class today if we did "etudes" (a specific exercise that we often do). But I grabbed my mile when she dealt me that inch. Even though we did NOT do etudes, I've been speaking half the day. And here's what I've learned:
- My throat barely hurts at this point. On a pain scale of 1-10 (10 being the worst pain I've ever experienced), swallowing is hitting at about a 0.3 right now.
- My voice is completely unaffected by this malady.
- It does not hurt to speak. At all.

So I've decided that, while her initial recommendation of vocal rest was most likely sound, carrying it out any further would be sensationalistic. I'm fine. And therefore, I'm exercising my right to free speech.


May you know when to stay silent and when to speak up.

~A~