Literal Absolute Jesus

55. Probably my biggest grammatical pet peeve is when people modify absolute terms. A woman cannot be “very pregnant” or “a little pregnant”. Either she is or she isn’t. Nothing is “very unique”. Being unique means being “one-of-a-kind”. If something is one-of-a-kind, it can’t be described as being MORE one-of-a-kind than anything else that’s one-of-a-kind. They’re ALL unique. Or they aren’t. The word “very” cannot possibly apply. Other absolute terms include prime, parallel, equal, perfect, complete, infinite, and chief. (Do NOT argue with me on this. This is no more defensible than saying things like "most fastest".)

56. I like to keep some “literal” playlists on my iPod. It all started with my “Laundry” playlist that I made while I was living abroad, when we washed all our clothes in the sink, shower, and bidet (that’s where my roommate washed her socks… She also used it to shave her legs. We never used it for its intended purpose). It includes “Soap Disco”, “Underneath Your Clothes”, and “Dirty Little Secret”. I also have an En Route playlist (“Every Day Is a Winding Road”, “I Feel the Earth Move”, “Why Don’t We Do It in the Road?” etc.) and a “Working” playlist (“5 O’clock World”, “Whistle While You Work”, “She Works Hard for the Money”, etc.). And I recently made myself a “Post” playlist, as I have to walk to the post office in order to get mail that is larger than letter-sized (“Letterbomb”, “Please Mr. Postman”, “Letters to Noelle”, etc.)

57. I went in to South Bend for a day trip yesterday to see a delightful production of “The Importance of Being Earnest” that several of my friends worked on. And when I needed a ride back to catch a train, I called my favorite South Bend cab service, The Jesus Cab. There is a man named Scott who, instead of having a cab company, has a cab MISSION. He’s amazing. His van has a giant picture of Jesus on the side. Inside, there’s a television that he keeps on, usually tuned to someone discussing sports. There’s a novelty license plate from California on the dash that says “Jesus”, and there are small knickknacks all around that make it clear that this isn’t an ordinary cab ride. A couple years ago I rode in his cab the night after Jim Caviezel had ridden with him and called him a “modern day John the Baptist”. I had a lovely conversation with Scott, who claimed to remember me after not seeing me for two years. He told me all about his life, and how he’d been interviewed for some scholastic magazine. In the article, they wrote that Scott provides cab service while “living the light of Christ,” which he was extremely proud of. Then he gave me a Jesus Cab t-shirt. He started selling them out of the back of his taxi-van, but he likes me so much that he gave me mine for free. He makes them at home with his own t-shirt press. Anyway, if you’re ever in South Bend, Indiana (for a Notre Dame football game or to visit the College Football Hall of Fame or something) and need a cab, call Scott at (574) 621-0693.

(NOTE: Even in person it's hard to make out the words over Jesus' head. It says "FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD, THAT HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON, THAT WHOSOEVER BELIEVETH ON [sic] HIM SHOULD NOT PERISH, BUT HAVE EVERLASTING LIFE!" And next to Jesus, it says "JOHN 3:16".