Skeezy Plastic Karaoke

61. I’m not against plastic surgery. If it makes you happy, do it. I don’t really understand extreme "Joan Rivers" type surgeries or anything involving implanting foreign objects into your body. But I understand the motivation behind “maintenance” surgeries like botox, facelifts, and tummy-tucks. I’m not saying I plan to get plastic surgery. I’m just not ruling it out as a possibility.

62. The first time I was brave enough to do karaoke by myself was on my 22nd birthday. I originally planned to sing a Kelly Clarkson song, but one of my roommates begged me not to (he didn't share my love of Miss Clarkson, apparently). I decided I was intoxicated enough that me being off-key was a distinct possibility, so I decided I should take on a less lofty goal vocally. I also decided that I might not be able to see the screen and/or enunciate properly. So I decided on “Get Busy” by Sean Paul. Because if I screwed up those lyrics, who was going to know? For the record, I sang every lyric perfectly. Yes, I know all the “words” to “Get Busy” (Just shake that booty non-stop! When the beat drops, just keep swinging it! Get jiggy! Get crunked up! Percolate! Anything you wanna call it! Oscillate ya hips and don't take pity!). And I’m incredibly proud of that.

63. I am unable to explain certain attractions that I have. For example, I love a professional wrestler known as Edge. It might have something to do with his romance-novel hair, his perfect teeth, or muscular physique… But he plays a bad guy, and he looks like a scuzz-bucket. I also used to have a strange fascination with Jack Osbourne. I find myself oddly drawn to him. I don’t find him attractive, I don’t think he’s intelligent, and I don’t think he’s particularly funny. Despite this, I used to watch The Osbournes specifically because of his presence. And in the movie Grease 2, as much as I enjoy Michael (Maxwell Caulfield... and I do really love him), I'm always left drooling over the horny skeeze-ball Louis DiMucci (Peter Frechette). I’ve never been able to understand my attraction to these people. I generally have better taste than that. I think.


(The above picture is Louis DiMucci from Grease 2.)